Tales of Love, Lust, and Idiots
by TheGreenEyedIdiot
Summary: Marauders era, Sirius Black meets his female self in the form of Alexa Burke. He could hate her, he could love her... or, of course, he could do both. FIRST CHAPTER IS RUBBISH, GUYS, IT'S JUST AN INTRO! Pushing T rating a teeny bit...
1. Chapter 1

The morning of September first dawned bright and early, and Alexa Louise Burke was already awake, buttering toast and humming to herself. Absolutely nothing was going to get her spirits down today, not even her sister. Speak of the devil...

"And the devil shall appear." She finished aloud, turning to face her invariably grumpy kin.

And her face was utterly and completely red.

"But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?" Alex cried, comically shielding her eyes. Elaine Burke turned, if possible, even redder, and flipped her sister off.

"Charming. Simply charming. Tell me, sister dearest, how does one go about retaining a reputation as a heartless bitch and yet keep up such pleasant manners?"

At this, Elaine retorted "Go ahead, laugh. It'll be interesting to see mum and dad's reaction when you're sorted into HUFFLEPUFF." And flounced off.

"At least I don't feel the need to display their house colours on my face. Going for Gryffindor are we?" Alex yelled after her, earning a muffled scream from her sister and a frown from her father as he descended the stairs into their large kitchen.

Nathaniel Burke, brother to one of the founders of the infamous 'Borgin & Burkes' dark artifacts shop, was, in fact, a very pleasant man. Usually. He was tall and thin, with black hair and the most peculiar violet eyes. His entire family had been in Slytherin until the sorting hat had proclaimed him a Ravenclaw.

Her mother's side of the family carried the direct line of Rowena Ravenclaw herself, and - unsurprisingly - the whole family had been in their ancestors house.

Every single one of them.

Up until now, Alex and her sister had been home-schooled by their parents and various highly-paid tutors who never lasted long. Elaine, were she to attend Hogwarts, would be in her final year. She had decided not to. Alex though, was going to be in her fourth year.

Alexandra Burke was an attractive girl, and she knew it. Even when you saw little of the outside world, it was difficult not to notice the pairs of male eyes that followed her like cats watching a bird.

She had long golden-blonde hair that fell in wild curls almost to the small of her back. Her skin was flawless and tanned, and her eyes were the same shade of deep purple as her father's. Her frame was tall and curvaceous, with long limbs and a flat stomach. Her looks were her mother's apart from her unusual eyes. Her sister looked exactly like their mother, apart from her colouring. She had the straight black hair and creamy skin of their father.

_Apart from today_, she mused. She had no idea what the cause of the tomato-face scenario had been, but she wished she knew. That was the kind of joke that was literally begging for a repeat.

Nodding to her father, she made her way upstairs. _I wonder what they'll do to me if I'm not in Ravenclaw?_ she thought absently. _Maybe they will actually kill me and make it look like an accident. Or maim me significantly, at the very least._ Perhaps her father wouldn't be too hard on her if she was in Slytherin. You never could tell with him. His whole family had been Slytherin, maybe she could somehow pin the blame on him.

But for some reason Slytherin didn't really appeal to her. Maybe it was fact that she associated Slytherin with the evil mass-murderer who was taking over the wizarding world. Or maybe it was because she didn't really like the colour green. Whatever.

Hufflepuff? She thought briefly, and just as quickly dismissed it. _No, that's where they put the left-overs. My parents would definately kill me then, and they probably wouldn't even bother with the 'making it look like an accident' thing either._ Gryffindor, then? She supposed that wouldn't be too bad, bravery and um... chivalry and all that.

She knew she could get into Ravenclaw if she wanted. No problemo. She was very clever. Very clever and very good-looking. Very clever, very good-looking, and in possession of a very large ego.

Obviously.

* * *

Alex was standing at the platform in King's Cross with a disgruntled Elaine - who's face had recently been returned to it's usual colour - and a tearful mother. Her father had stayed at home. She was wearing tight black jeans and knee-high black Doc Martins, with a long-sleeved, low-cut t-shirt in Gryffindor red - just to annoy her mother.

"Now, be good, and prove that you earned your place in Ravenclaw! I won't have anyone saying that you were only picked because you are a _direct blood relative of Rowena Ravenclaw._" Her mother's voice rose slightly at the end of the sentence so that it carried as far as possible, as Alex knew it would. It always did. Her mother was proud of her lineage.

"Alright dear, onto the train with you." Her mother's voice cut through Alex's internal monologue. "We'll watch for your owl informing us of your place in Ravenclaw. Come on, we don't want you to be late!" Giving her a tearful kiss, her mother levitated her trunk onto the train and pushed Elaine towards her. Apparently the reason for her earlier complexion had been the result of an experimental charm placed on the soap by Elaine herself.

"Er, bye."

"Au revoir, my love!" Alex shouted cheerfully, planting a wet kiss on her sister's cheek and dodging the kick the brunette aimed at her.

The whistle sounded then, and Alex clambered aboad. Leaning out of the window she said with a heroic smile,

"Fear not, fair ones! I will return! You need not mourn your loss for too long!" Her mother's face was an interesting mix of annoyance and sadness as she waved her lace-trimmed hanky, and Elaine simply rolled her eyes and looked in the opposite direction.

Giving a military salute, Alex leant back into the compartment and looked straight into a pair of laughing brown eyes.

"Hello," the person said, "I don't believe I know you. I'm Alice, Alice Frost. Who the hell are you?"

"Hello Alice, Alice Frost, I'm Alex Burke. I'm a newbie."

"Fantastic. Makes a nice change to see a new face 'round here. What year?"

"Fourth. Almost definately gonna be a Ravenclaw. You?"

"Fourth." Alice said, smiling broadly, "Gryffindor. What makes you so confident?"

"I'm Ravenclaw's heir. No way I'm getting out of it."

"Genius" Alice grinned. She made the word sound like an adjective and a compliment at the same time.

The next four hours taught Alex that Alice had a wicked sense of humour, a love bordering on addiction to Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans (a fact only made apparent by the lunch trolley's arrival, when the girl in question bought a total of _six_ boxes, and still finished Alex's), and a boyfriend named Frank Longbottom, who was also a Gryffindor fourth year.

They were just discussing the complete incompetence of the new chaser for the Holyhead Harpies, when the compartment door slid open and a very pretty girl with large green eyes and dark red hair stepped in.

"Alright Lils?" Alice asked with her customary grin,

"Hi Alice" the girl replied, throwing Alex a quick look. "New student?" she asked,

"Alexa Louise Burke. Fourth year, almost definately going to be a Ravenclaw. You?"

She smiled and replied "Lily Evans. Fourth year, Gryffindor. How do you know you'll be in Ravenclaw?"

Alex rolled her eyes and muttered "Direct blood line to Rowena Ravenclaw. Mum's side of the family have all been in there."

Lily's eyes widened and then she laughed. "Wonderful. You must be a raging intellectual."

Alice snorted and said "Don't be such a bloody hypocrite, Evans. I've seen you in charms."

Lily looked guiltily away and then muttered "I'm off, just popped in to say hi."

Alice nodded, "Send my er... tolerance to Sev, won't you? I was going to say love, but it wasn't the right sentiment"

Lily frowned. "Fine." She said snappily, "Bye then." and flounced out. Alice sank lower in her chair and sighed.

"Eh? What was all that?"

Alice slowly shut her eyes and groaned. "Lily's a muggleborn. She met this boy before she came to Hogwarts, knew what she was and all that, told her too. She hated him 'till she got her letter. They got all buddy-buddy and then we got here and he got sorted into Slytherin. He hangs out with some right sadistic prats but she refuses to give up her friendship with him. He's obviously besotted with her."

"Oh. That's nice."

Alice opened her eyes, "No it bloody isn't. Lily's also got this complete wanker James Potter following her around like a lost puppy, and him and Severus are sort of... mortal enemies, I guess. Lily hates Potter, but Sev can't seem to get it into his thick head."

"Ah."

"Ah indeed"

At that point the compartment door slid open again to reveal a very good-looking boy with black hair and glasses.

"Frost! You haven't seen Evans have you? I've been... who's this?"

"Bloody hell," Alex said, turning to Alice, "Am I right in assuming...?" Alice nodded in confirmation. Alex snorted "Doesn't miss a que this one, does he?"

Alice shot her a grin and retorted "Potter. Lily just left. This is-"

"Well, hello." Another boy had just appeared at the door, he was quite startlingly good looking, with shaggy black hair and grey eyes. "Who might you be, gorgeous?"

"Black, shut up." Alice said, sighing. "Alex, this is Potter and Black, Potter and Black, this is Alex."

"Hello Alex," Black said, giving her a charming smile. "New are we? Don't worry, Sirius will look after you." And he sat down next to her and slipped his arm around her waist.

Alex smiled at him coyly and leant over to whisper in his ear, "In your dreams... gorgeous" and she leant back and winked cheekily at him.

Sirius chuckled and squeezed her lightly round the middle. "You can count on that," he quipped, before prodding James out of the room,

"Come on Jim-jams, lets off-ski. No Evans in here." And together they loped off back down the corridor.

"Well done," Alice patted her knee, "I've never seen Black so disgruntled."

"That was him... _disgruntled?_ Jesus, I'd hate to see him cheerful."

"Welcome to my world, beautiful." Alice laughed, and turned to her Every Flavour Beans.

* * *

On the way up to the castle Alex and Alice shared a carriage with Frank Longbottom, who turned out to be very nice and very funny, his soft humour balancing Alice's quick wit out brilliantly. They were a perfect couple, Alex thought smugly. She already considered Alice her best friend, and it seemed Alice returned the sentiments. There were a few Hufflepuffs sharing the carriage with them, and a fourth year named Amos Diggory claimed her attention immediately. They spent the trip flirting harmlessly, and Diggory left with the parting line "Until next time, gorgeous." and a quick wink.

A stern-looking woman named Professor McGonagall intercepted her before she reached the doors, forcing Alice to leave her with a swift hug and a "Don't worry. If you're not in Ravenclaw... well, your family will get it. I hope."

"I know, I know, no two cornflakes look the same and all that, be an induvidual." Frank gave her a quick squeeze and a "See you later, mate"

Professor McGonagall seemed torn between amusement and disapprovement, so she merely said; "You'll be sorted after the first years. Wait here until I call you, please."

And disappeared into the Great Hall.

_Oh. Ok then._ Alice thought, _Leave me in the Entrance Hall in a strange school I've never been to before, all on my own. No, really, I don't mind._

She flopped down onto the bottom step of the enormous grand staircase and put her chin in her hands. Her hair fell around her like a gold curtain, so that all that was visible were her purple eyes, her nose, and her fingers which were splayed across her face.

_You know what?_ She thought suddenly, _I don't even care what house I'm anymore. I'm clever, I'm pretty brave - or stupid, depending on how you want to look at it, I'm cunning as hell, and I like to think I'm, y'know, nice. Hufflepuff stuff._

_Ok, maybe I still don't want to be in Hufflepuff._

It could have been minutes or hours later that McGonagall opened the doors to the hall and said smartly "Burke, in here please. We're ready for you."

Right. Yes. Showtime.

Alex slowly rose her feet, and walked lazily towards the door. She brushed past McGonagall and made her way easily up to the front of the room, swinging her hips and enjoying the mesmeric effect it had on most of the male population of the school.

At the front of the room, she sat on the stool and the hat was placed on her head. She closed her eyes and waited.

"Hmm, lovely, lovely, a Burke, eh? One of the Ravenclaws. You'd do nicely there, you know. Hmm. Difficult. You've got the makings of a true Gryffindor in there, and a bit of Slytherin. But where to put you?"

_Not Ravenclaw, _Alex thought suddenly, surprising both of them.

"Not Ravenclaw? Are you sure? The moment you sat down I could tell there was something different about you, Alexa Burke, but how does this tip the scales? I wonder... hmm. Well, if it's not Ravenclaw, I suppose it better be; GRYFFINDOR"

Alex heard the hat shout this last word to the entire hall and the Gryffindor table erupt into cheers through a haze of stunned joy. The few Ravenclaws who knew of her lineage sat with their mouths open as Alex came back to herself and leapt off the stool into Alice's arms. Alice was making incomprehensibly high-pitched noises and similtaneously crushing the air out of her lungs in a tight embrace. Frank looked bemused and said laughingly, "Whaddaya know? The genius is a secret Gryffindor." Before smiling happily at Alex and ruffling her hair.

"Welcome to Gryffindor, love," Sirius leaned over to high five her. "May your life be long and your children have many, many limbs. I'm not sure what that means exactly, but I'm sure it's pleasant."

"My life most certainly will not be long after this." Alex said with a stricken face, "Oh, the horror. My mother is absolutely going to murder me." She added with relish, stabbing a potato gleefully.

James patted her head. "Don't worry. Siri-poo here is still alive and well, and his mother is an absolute nut. Completely barmy. Madder than a squirrel." Siri-poo nodded, his mouth too full of chicken for him to do anything else, swallowing quickly, he added "Absolute fruit loop, but never mind. Remus, dear! Oi, get your well-formed buttocks over here!"

Alex watched as the boy with the well-formed buttocks slid slightly closer to their little group. "Hello," he said politely, his brown eyes soft and his blonde hair floppy and curly. If he had been sitting next to anyone but Sirius and James he would have been considered handsome, but he paled a little in comparison to them. "Remus Lupin. You're Alex, and I know this because Sirius wouldn't shut up abou-". Sirius' hand was clamped firmly over Remus' mouth, a grim expression on his handsome face.

"Remus has difficulty knowing when to shut up. It's a terrible affliction and we're trying to cure it, but it's not looking hopeful." He all said this with the voice of a nurse with the job of explaining to the parents that their son had cancer. Remus rolled his eyes - the only part of his face that was visible behind Sirius' large hand - and looked pointedly at James, who stared vacantly back, pretending not to understand his wish to be freed.

Alex turned her back on the boys and looked towards Alice, who was deep in conversation with Lily and another girl who Alex assumed was their dorm mate. The girl looked tall even sitting down, and she was very skinny. Her pale brown hair was a mass of frizzy ringlets, and her round eyes were dark blue and friendly. Her skin was pale and freckled.

"Alex, this is Maggie. Maggie, Alex. You guys know each other already." She said, gesturing between Lily and Alex, who nodded and smiled at each other.

"Hi." Maggie began with a sweet smile that lit up her eyes. "Maggie Clarke, I'm a Gryffindor chaser. Well, I have been for the past two years, anyway. No immediate plans to change that status." She glanced towards a blonde boy with the shiny captain's badge on his robes, and shuddered slightly. "He's our captain. I know it's unprofessional, but he's a right bastard." She giggled nervously. "But he's really sensitive, so you have to be careful unless you want to be kicked off the team. It's a good thing we don't have too many brilliant chasers in Gryffindor, really." She suddenly stopped talking and blushed slightly. "Sorry, I always talk too much when I'm nervous. Do you play?" She added suddenly, looking curious. James Potter also halted momentarily in his discussion with Sirius to listen.

Sensing she had an audience, a confident grin spread itself across Alex's features.

"Yup. Keeper. And I'm pretty bloody good."

"No kidding?" James cut in, "I'm seeker. Got in the same year as Mags." he said, nodding at Maggie.

"Never missed a snitch, our Jim-jams." Sirius cut in fondly, before turning to Alex. "I'm a beater. Me and McLaggen." He added, rolling his eyes and jerking his shoulder towards the yellow-haired captain.

"Tosser." James snorted. Maggie nodded fiercely in agreement and turned back to Alex.

"Alice and Lily don't play."

"I commentate sometimes," Lily interjected

"Yeah. And I provide moral support." Alice said

"She hexes the other team's players for us," Maggie explained,

"She's brilliant at curses. Make a good auror, wouldn't you? Wittle Alice." Lily added, grinning evily

Alice narrowed her large eyes and tossed her short brown hair - or tried to anyway. It was too short to toss, really. (A/N Get your head out of the gutter...) "I may be little, but I could kick your arse in a duel. _Try me_" She added mock-threateningly. Maggie and Lily sighed and Alex shook her head good-naturedly. Alice looked around at them all and sighed as well.

"Yeah, ok. Don't rub it in. Just because _you're_ a genius and Maggie's got the fastest reactions ever..." she said, nodding towards Lily and Maggie respectively. "If you lot were _normal_ I'd kick your arses."

"Oi, don't forget me!" Alex cried, "I've had to practice duelling with a N.E.W.T. level student for my whole life. Who just happens to be my sister." She grinned smugly. "There's no way you'd beat me, either."

Alice sank down in her seat. "Well. Now I feel _really_ shit."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Hey guys!

So, what d'ya think so far? R&R. 'Tis motivational! Flaming is, well... not exactly welcome, but whatever does it for you :)

Sooo... I'm thinking I need a new Beta, so if you're bored and fancy being part of my fluffy-and-humourous-yet-occasionally-angsty writings then feel free to communicate with me. :)

This chappy is set in their sixth year, I know it may be a wee bit unrealistic given the whole 'Lily Yelling At James At The End Of Their Fifth Year' thing, but, really, I don't care.

Love all round,

TheGreenEyedIdiot xx

_Two years later_

Alexa Burke was standing on Platform Nine and Three Quarters watching two heads move slowly away from her, one blonde, one brunette. Her mother and sister.

Two years and they had finally forgiven her for landing herself a place in Gryffindor. Her father, however...

But never mind. This wasn't the time to be thinking about _her father. _

This is Alex two years on. Her hair was slightly longer and blonder, and she was a few inches taller. Her skin was paler now that the majority of her time was spent in Scotland, but it was just as flawless as ever.

She was wearing a short grey dress with purple fishnets and purple nail polish, and she carried her old black bag.

Alexa Burke's black bag was legend among the students of Hogwarts. If you had signed the bag it meant you had either hooked up with her, or she considered you one her best mates. If you knew the right incantation the messages flashed up at regular intervals. If you didn't... well, the Marauders had helped her with that part.

She blew a stray curl out of her face and peered through the fog, desperately trying to find a friendly face. No luck.

_Oh Christ, it's Diggory. Duck and cover, DUCK AND COVER! _She thought frantically as she caught sight of the blonde. Too late. He spotted her and swooped down to collect her into a bone-crushing hug.

"Hello, Diggory."

"Hello beautiful!"

"No, Diggory."

"What?"

"No, I will not go out with you."

"I didn't even ask you, love!"

"_I_ know that, I'm right here. I was saving your breath."

"How would you even know I was going to ask you?"

"Call it intuition. Did you want something?"

"You." He replied wittily, winking and licking his lips.

"That's sweet Diggory, but I like my men straight." Alex deadpanned. "Toodle pip.", and she skipped away before he could work out what she had said.

So intent was she on getting away from Diggory, she didn't realise she was heading straight for someone until she walked into them.

"Steady on, Burke, I know I'm irresistable, but you could at least try to control yourself."

"Siri-poo! I'm going to ignore that comment because I'm so happy to see you, but rest assured, if I wasn't desperate to escape Diggory I'd be slapping you silly." And with that she flung her arms around him and leant her head on his shoulder. She received several death-glares from a group fan girls, while Sirius received the same glares from a group of fifth-year Ravenclaw boys.

"Ally-pally! Since I don't know how that comment was intended, I'm going to take it as a compliment. Thank you, gorgeous."

But Alex wasn't listening, she had just spotted her best friend and partner in crime, Alice Frost.

"Shh, Siri-poo, it's Alice!" She said impatiently, before running at her friend and leaping at her. "Alice! How wonderful!" She slithered off and let the brunette breathe again, before being tackled herself.

"Hello Ally!" Alice shouted against Alex's shoulder, "It's been far too long, my dear!"

"Woah. Keep it clean, girls."

Alex turned and grinned at the new arrival as Alice threw herself at Sirius.

"James Potter, ladies and gentlemen!" Alex shouted to the sky, throwing her arms out

James took an elaborate bow and returned the greeting. The pair hugged and drifted into easy conversation until they were joined by a very pretty redhead.

"Evans!" James cried joyfully, and swept her into a brief hug. Sirius pranced over to embrace her as well, and Alice and Alex sandwiched her between them, both shouting happily that they had a reason for living again. Lily good-naturedly batted them away as Sirius muttered jokingly to James, "Looks like you've got competition, mate."

James' grin melted to worry as Sirius turned his attention away.

The group wandered down the train in search of an empty compartment, failed to find one, emptied a compartment of first years simply by looking at them for a prolonged length of time, and settled down for a long journey.

Two hours later saw Lily lying with her head hanging off the seat reading a book on charms, Alice and James curled in a corner on top of Lily's legs playing a game of exploding snap, and Sirius half-lying with his back against the wall of the compartment with Alex between his legs, reading the _Prophet_ over her shoulder.

"Hey!" Sirius said, sitting up suddenly and causing Alex to fall to the ground with a loud bump. "Where's Remus and Petey and Maggie?"

Lily stared at him reproachfully at him - which was quite a challenge, since she was still upside down - and replied "You only just noticed? Did it also escape your notice that Remus and Maggie are prefects?"

"Oh yeah," Sirius said, shaking his head at his own idiocy. "Of course they are. But wait,"he added, looking worried, "Where's my Petey?"

"Your Petey is busy with that fifth year hufflepuff that he keeps having chess dates with, remember?" Alex groaned as she stood up, deliberately kneeing Sirius in the crotch as she crawled back to her previous position.

"Oh yeah." Sirius whispered, his voice unnaturally high and his eyes watering slightly.

* * *

When the group reached Hogmeade station - plus Remus and Maggie, minus Alice, who had gone to find Frank - they had learnt of James' new captaincy to the Gryffindor Quidditch team - a fact they all feigned surprise at terribly, and of Peter's budding romance with the hufflepuff named Chloe, who was, according to Maggie, "Unbelievably cheerful and a very good chess player," and according to Sirius, had "a great rack, and um... looked like a nice girl?".

The sorting ceremony was as dull and repetitive as always, the one high point being when Alex muttered to James that "Oh, shit! Mrs Norris is eating that girl's head, should we tell her?", and it turned out to be an interesting new form of hat. They ended up having to admit seven people to the hospital wing for sprayed-pea related injuries.

James claimed a momentary lapse of control in his facial muscles and got off with only two detentions.

* * *

"This year," Sirius proclaimed suddenly, leaping to his feet, "Is going to be a good year. I can feel it. There's something in the air..." he was now pacing up and down in front of the overstuffed armchair he had just vacated. "I'm going to try for a girlfriend." he said spontaneously, stopping mid-stride and flailing comically for a moment before regaining his balance.

They were speechless. Alex opened her mouth and closed it several times before finally saying in a small voice, "A girlfriend? As in what _you_ consider a girlfriend? As in _no cheating?_

Sirius nodded seriously (A/N: Oh god, I'm sorry! THAT NEVER HAPPENED). "As in..." he took a deep breath, "As in... the kind of girl I... I..."

"No way." Alice mouthed.

"He's going to say it!" Maggie whispered, looking terrified

"I'm going to have to change my entire perception of life," Alex whispered back

"Love." Sirius finished, looking stunned, but resolved at the same time.

"Oh my God. This... this cannot be happening... that did not just happen..." James looked like he was about to have a breakdown. Peter was working his mouth furiously, but soundlessly. And Alex was rolling around on the floor, laughing her head off. Remus' mouth was twitching at one corner.

Sirius looked at Alex and Remus in dismay. "Don't you believe me?" He demanded, confused.

"Oh, i believe you, Siri-poo, darling. I'm just imagining you putting it into practice..." apparently this was too much, because she lapsed back into uncontrollable giggles. Now everyone was working their mouths furiously in order to stop themselves laughing.

Peter patted him on the knee. "Don't worry mate. You'll do fine."

Alice suddenly snorted, and it seemed to break the little control everyone had over themselves. Sirius looked around at them, disgruntled.

"I'll do it! I will!"

"Of course you will, lovey," Maggie said, biting down hard on her knuckles.

"I will! Alright James, Marauders bet." James, Remus and Peter sobered up immediately, identical wicked grins spreading across each of their faces.

"Seriously?" James asked, his eyes alight with mischief.

"Seriously," Sirius replied, his face grim (A/N: Oh bloody hell. I'm sorry, I can't stop it!)

"Alright mate," James stuck out his hand, "Shake on it."

Sirius eyed his hand apprehensively, before sticking his chin out and grasping James' hand firmly. "Alright." Sirius smiled, "I will have a girlfriend by the end of the year. One that I actually like. One that I'll... I'll never mess with."

James nodded. "Oh, this is going be interesting." He grinned. "Good luck mate."

Sirius grinned back, his eyes already alight with excitement.

A/N: Oooooohhhh!!!! What's going to happen??? Who knows?

Not me, that's for sure.

Thanks to those of you who've _already_ subscibed (How fast was that?? :O) - I love you!

I'm writing fast fast fast, faster than should be possible, really. But reviews make me type faster, I swear!

*hint hint*

Ok, Iove to you all, you crazy cats.

TheGreenEyedIdiot xx


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Hello sweethearts!

Another lovely chapter ALL FOR YOU. I must love you.

I am slightly ashamed, because, well, my last one wasn't great. Far too short. I'm going to try and make it up to you in this one, but I'm not promising anything.

*NEEDS A BETA*

I am updating obscenely fast, so I hope you recognise and appreciate this. It is only because you are such lovely, lovely people. If anyone has suggestions or improvements... PLEASE TELL ME :)

Not to sound needy, but I, well, need them. I've got a vague idea of where this is going for the next few chapters, but really it's just improv.

Love and cookies,

TheGreenEyedIdiot xx

Alex was awoken, as usual, to the awful sound of Lily brushing her hair.

"Ow.... bloody.... OWWWW... get.. in... there...you bitch!!... BOLLOCKS!!!... Owww..."

Alice voice, slightly muffled by the duvet and the curtains around her bed, said "Lils? You ok out there?"

"My bollocking bloody brush just snapped off in my _buggering_ hand and I was only _half_ bloody done!"

"Sooo.. that's a no?"

Lily growled slightly, and Alex rolled out of bed and speed-walked to the door of the bathroom to claim the good shower at the end of the row. Unlike everyone else, it wasn't because she didn't want people to see her body. She did it because it annoyed them.

She vaguely heard Alice cursing, and assumed she'd fallen out of bed again. It happened every morning. You'd think that, after six year in this place, she would have learnt not to roll over that extra time.

You would think that.

The first day of school was, to put it mildly, not Alex's favorite day of the year. it was probably Lily's though, and that was why she was so pissed off. Lily dealt with happiness by acting pissed off, she was sure of it.

For example: look at how she reacted to James asking her out. Raging bull was the term that came to mind. But when they were all alone in the dorm, and Lily'd had a little bit to drink, she was gushing endlessly about 'warm, hazel eyes' and 'gorgeous, messy hair'.

Hmm. Interesting idea, Lily and James. Give it more thought later.

Alex rinsed the rest of the shower gel off her body and wrapped herself in a large white towel. Mmmm. Yum.

She wandered back into the dorm and began hunting for underwear, while Lily and Alice raced into the bathroom to claim the far shower. Maggie was already up, and probably in the prefect's bathroom having a relaxing soak while the rest of them roughed it in the showers.

It seemed that Alice won the race to the good shower, because Lily came stumping back in, glaring at nothing in particular.

"Aren't you going to have a shower?" Alex asked innocently, looping her tie.

Lily gave her a death stare and muttered "No. Alice got the good shower."

"Well, you know the other four showers in there? They also work!"

Lily suddenly grinned sheepishly and replied "Yeah, well... ah. Ok, I didn't need a shower. I just wanted to piss Alice off."

Alex laughed quietly as she pulled her robe over her head, so that Lily couldn't hear or see. When her head emerged it was the perfect picture of complete outrage.

"Lily Evans! I expected better of you! What kind of friend are you??"

Lily winced and muttered an apology, and Alex grinned broadly.

"Really? I was that good? I mean, I know I'm a damn good actor, but _really_. You're my best friend!"

Lily breathed out and looked up at her from her shirt buttons. "Don't get too cocky. My head is completely screwed at the moment."

Alex laughed lightly, "Me, too cocky? God no, I'm far too beautiful to be cocky." And danced out of the room.

Lily stared at the empty spot where her friend had just been. _She's mental. Absolutely and completely barmy. Why do I speak to her again?_

* * *

Downstairs, Maggie and Remus were waiting patiently for the rest of them to come down. Alex smiled at this. From the moment she met both of them she decided they would make a fantastic couple, and she'd been rooting for them ever since.

Subtly, of course.

"So, were you two shagging in the prefects bathroom? I must say, it's about bloody time."

Remus turned spectacularly red, but Maggie simply rolled her eyes.

"Of course we were. Lily and Alice were getting it on in the showers, I felt lonely."

Remus laughed nervously, and Maggie patted him on the shoulder as Sirius, James and Peter came down the stairs.

"Fear not, young ones. The Daddy is here." Sirius said, strutting into the room.

Maggie skipped over to him and linked her arm through his. "Come on, love. Breaky-fast! This lot are going to be nice and wait for Alice and Lily, but I'm far too hungry. Let's go."

Sirius smiled happily and allowed her to lead him away. "You read my mind, Mags. You read my mind."

Remus looked vaguely disgruntled, a fact Alex noted with glee.

_Ahehehehehehe. They'll never suspect a thing. Ahehehehehe... oh dear.. that was an awful internal evil laugh._

* * *

Third-period charms was a brilliant place for a sensitive talk about delicate emotions. They were doing a revision of all last year's spells, so everyone was doing different things and no one knew or cared what was going on around them.

"Remus," Alex started, carefully, "Do you like Maggie?" Remus glanced down at her, and then laughed.

"Sorry. She's not my type."

_Hmmm._

"Oh. Oh well." Alex replied, happy with how it sounded. Nonchalant, but with a slight implication of a possible missed opportunity in there as well. "So," she continued, "Who is your type?"

Remus looked at her sharply, but then turned back at the bookshelf that Sirius was slowly dismantling with his wand.

"I'm not sure." he said thoughtfully, "She would have to be funny, clever... I'd have to get on with her...she'd be pretty, nice, but not afraid to break the rules. Someone who would take me as I am. Exactly as I am."

_Sounds like you,_ a little voice in her head said, shocking her. Why did she like that fact??

"That kind of sounds like Maggie, though." She argued, trying to inject some conviction into her tone. Maggie was far too sweet for Remus, and her humour was too subtle. He needed someone quick witted and slightly arrogant.

_Sounds like you_, the voice said again.

**Damn it, shut up, you stupid voice!**

_It does though. Don't even try to deny it._

**It also sounds like Sirius. What's your point?**

_Yes, but you're a girl. You _like_ the fact that you're perfect for him._

**I am not perfect for Remus!**

_Sure, sure. Keep telling yourself that._

**How is it even possible for my own mind to annoy me?**

_You tell me._

**Oh, bloody hell.**

A/N: Ooohhh!

Major twist in the plot of life, right there!

It may continue to twist, it may stay on this vein, I have no idea. But I like all this confusion.

Who's the right one for Sirius? Who's the right one for Remus? What about Maggie??

Oh, all this excitement. I won't know what to do with meself.

Replying to reviews:

**Rapunzel27**: Thanks, is this fast enough for you?

**Entchanted**: Cheers, don't we all? I've just messed around with the plot a little though, so who knows whats might happen next? Maybe Remus is gay... ah well, plenty more drama to come, my love!

Faaaanks, my lovelies,

TheGreenEyedIdiot xx


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **_**Hi there, you crazy people!**_

_**Fourth chapter! Hurrah!**_

_**Just a warning; things might slow down a little now, my social life is raging out of control and I haven't even started my art coursework, but I'm going to try REALLY hard to get a chapter a day up.**_

_**REALLY HARD.**_

_**So, some things are going to happen in this chapter, 'I should hope so!', I hear you say. Well, yes.**_

_**We've got Quidditch and emotions running riot, right here in front of your eyes, so rate, review, and kisses :)**_

_**TheGreenEyedIdiot xx**_

It was that evening, and Alex was spread face-down on her bed.

_Stupid. Stupidity. Idiocy! Lunatic. What are you thinking?_

Thoughts whirling round her head, "... _I'd have to get on with her... someone who would take me as I am... funny, clever... not afraid to break the rules..."_

It was like a bloody character profile! Of her!

Remus.

Funny how she'd never given it much thought before. She'd always thought him rather attractive because, well, he _was_, but it'd never gone further than that.

But now... when she pictured him, all she could think of was how his soft brown eyes were serious yet mischievous at the same time. And his floppy blonde hair, and how it fell into one eye, and how he brushed it back, but it just fell into his eyes again...

He was undoubtedly one of her best guy friends, second only to perhaps Sirius. But then they were so alike he reminded her of the twin brother she never had.

She often preferred his dry, clever humour to James' loud, over-confident style, and sometimes even to Sirius' sarcastic and egotistical brand.

But it was _Remus._

_REMUS LUPIN._

'_Yes. REMUS LUPIN. He's gorgeous isn't he? Mmmm.'_

**You disgust me.**

_'Come on. You just admitted it to me. You LUUURRRVVVEEE him.'_

**I admitted nothing! For a conscience - that's what you are, isn't it? - you're very immature. And that is why you think I like Remus. Which I don't.**

_'Mm. Uhhuh, so, what have you been thinking about for the past, oh, I don't know, FIVE HOURS?'_

**Nothing, that's what I've been thinking about. I've been asleep, if you must know.**

_'I don't think you quite understand how this works. I LIVE IN YOUR HEAD.'_

**You're a stalker! Rape! Rape!**

_'Oh, but am I?'_

**Yes.**

_'How can you be sure that it isn't YOU that's stalking ME, hmm? after all, we're all you. Both of us are you. You're having this discussion with yourself.'_

**I'm starting to understand why Elaine hates me so very much.**

_'You love me really.'_

**HOW MUCH OF AN IMBECILE ARE YOU?**

_'...'_

**Hello?**

_'...'_

**Oh, fantastic, my conscience has deserted me.**

_'...'_

***Snore***

*_Giggle*_

* * *

"Alright guys," James said, pacing up and down in front of Sirius, Maggie and Alex, "You lot are my best mates. You know that, I know that, and, unfortunately, the rest of the school knows that." His hand jumped to his hair nervously. "If I put you all on the team they're going to talk, regardless of how good they know you are. If you're the best I _will_ put you on the team, but you better play your bloody hardest, because I don't particuarly want to start any rumours for the sake of it. Ok? Ok." And he walked jumpily away, his hand once again entwined in his hair.

"Bloke seems a bit nervous." Alex observed.

"You can tell?" Sirius replied dryly,

"Come on," Maggie said, standing up and shoving the rest of her toast in her mouth all at once. "Let'sh gow down'a da pifch."

Sirius stared blankly at her for a moment, before turning to Alex and saying, "Shall we go down to the pitch?"

Maggie rolled her eyes, but followed them down to the blustery Quidditch pitch where it seemed half of Gryffindor were already grouped, holding a selection of ragged-looking brooms. At least half of the girls there seemed to have come simply for the opportunity to be close to James Potter and Sirius Black, whilst every boy seemed to completely forget their purpose for being there as Alex Burke skipped lightly on to the pitch wearing the protective pads of a keeper and the form-fitting Quidditch robes that she'd altered to, to use her own words, "Distract the opposition,", a comment she had made in fifth year, accompanied by a saucy wink.

James grinned down at her as she came to a stop at his left hand side, and raised his voice above the babble.

"Alright kids, I want you to split up into groups of about five, and I'll run you through some drills, just to see how you cope..."

Three hours later, Maggie, Sirius, Alex and James made their way up to the Gryffindor common room, all extremely windswept and sore, but cheerful. James had let each his friends back on the team with obvious pleasure, a fact noted sullenly by the numerous rejects.

Alex had made a spectacular come-back to the team, after saving every single one of the penalties aimed at her and out-performing every other player who tried out for keeper.

Sirius had also been accepted without a second thought, once James discovered that there was absolutely no beater talent in Gryffindor, apart from a well-built third year named Greg Spinnet. He and Sirius worked well as a team, and together they managed to severely injure most of the players unfortunate enough to be in the air at the same time as them.

Maggie, however, had been slightly harder. Three other hopefuls immediately stood out from the rest, and in the end there was a play-off between Maggie and another girl named Molly Thompson, a sweet-looking blonde fifth year with near-perfect aim. In the end Maggie won five goals to four, but it was a close call.

The other two chasers were a seventh year boy named Dan Johnson, and an impressive new find, a fourth-year girl named Lisa Hudson, who scored thirteen times and out-flew every other player on the pitch.

Saying goodbye to Lisa and Dan just inside the portrait hole, the group made their way to the fireplace and flopped down on the good armchairs, identical grins on all of their faces.

"Yay or nay?" Alice asked, looking up from a sofa where she was curled with Frank.

"Yay!" Alex replied, jumping up to hug her best friend. "Not that I ever doubted my ability to get in, it was this lot I was worried about." She added, nodding towards Sirius and Maggie. Sirius nodded and replied,

"I know exactly how you feel."

Maggie, looking affronted, promptly started a conversation with James about the sudden appearance of Lisa Hudson, before Sirius jumped towards her her and hugged her tightly round the waist.

"Get off. I'm not talking to you from now on." She said pompously, nose in the air.

"Aww, Maggie, dear! You know I don't mean it! It's my playful nature! I'm sorry!"

Alex, meanwhile, had been craning her neck to try and find Remus. She couldn't see him around, and she was trying to be inconspicuous about it. Peter, who had been watching her antics for quite some time, piped up innocently, "Looking for something, Alex?"

Alex jumped slightly and hastily slid a neutral expression onto her face. "Oh, I was just wondering where Remus was. I haven't seen him today." she added this bit carefully, trying desperately not to sound desperate.

_Wow, now that's desperate._

**This is not the time.**

_Just saying..._

Peter did not look fooled. His smirked at her knowingly and replied, "He's in the library if you want him - and Lily's at the astronomy tower if you were wondering about her as well."

_Idddddddiiot, _the voice sang.

"Oh right, yeah. I'll just go, umm, see him- I mean, her." and walked quickly towards the portrait hole.

_Shit shit shit._

The other's looked around at each other.

"Is it me," Alice began carefully, "Or did Alex actually look... _nervous?_"

* * *

What are you doing??? Are you honestly doing what I think you're doing? What are you going to say?? How are you going to act?? 'Oh, hey Remus, just thought I'd pop in to tell you that I LOVE YOU?'

**You love him. Oh my God, you do!**

_Oh, finally_. _Thank christ._

The voices of Alex's three different personas drifted in and out as she made her way to the library. She found that, if she blocked out all of them, she could concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other and not end up running away.

A small piece of Alex's mind registered how odd this was for her; usually, they came to her. Or, if she had to approach them at all, she knew she would be received well, and never worried about it.

_Not this time, dearie. Time to test that Gryffindor courage._

As she arrived at the library door and saw him bent over his books, she very nearly bolted. he looked so sweet, so studious, so _uncorrupted._ She knew that was impossible - look at his best friends, for christ's sake - but it was such a strong notion that it almost made her run away.

Gathering what she had left of her wits, she sauntered over to his table, the admiring gazes fixed upon her giving her enough confidence to reach his table, and then his eyes were on hers.

Oh, sweet jesus.

**Mary, mother of...**

_Hawwwttt!!!_

Well, at least all of her internal voices seemed to agree with each other.

"Oh, hey Ally. How're you? Make the team?" He added laughingly. Why even bother asking? Of course she did.

Alex cleared her throat and sat down opposite him, trying to remember how to speak.

"Hey Remus." She managed eventually, "I'm great. Never better. Everyone made the team. no surprises there. Er... actually, Rem-"

"Actually Alex, I've got something to tell you!" Remus cut her off, which was uncharacteristically rude, but his eyes were so full of happiness and excitement that Alex simply melted under his gaze.

"Go ahead."

"Well, I've been thinking about what you said yesterday, do you remember?"

_Hmm, well, I think so. I've only been repeating that conversation in my head for the past week or so._

"Sure, about Mags, and your type and stuff?"

"Well," he continued, looking shy, "I was thinking... you were right."

What???

**What??**

What?

_WHAT?????_

"Maggie _is_ my type! She's my perfect girl. Everything that I wanted... and more! She's sweet, beautiful, clever, we get on amazingly, and she likes me for me, not who I'm friends with! So what do you think?"

"I... think?" Alex choked out. She couldn't think, she could barely _breathe_ right now! Thank God she hadn't made him wait for her to speak. That would have been horrifying.

"I... I think it's... it's fantastic, Remus! I knew it!", she finally managed, a pale ghost of her usual triumphant grin gracing her features. Remus seemed too excited to notice.

"Yeah, yeah that's what I thought. I'm off, see ya later, Alex!" he grinned, before racing out of the library in the direction of the common room.

Alex slumped over and put her head in her hands.

Two tears slipped out from behind closed eyes.

She sat like that for what seemed like an age, before sitting up straight and narrowing her eyes. The tracks of the last tears she would ever cry for _Remus Lupin _still drying on her face.

Oh, he was going to pay. He was going to _pay._

"I'll never cry for you again, Lupin," Alex muttered through gritted teeth. "But I _will_ make you more jealous than you knew it was possible for you to be. There's a storm coming, buddy. There's a storm coming."

_**A/N: Long chapter!**_

_**Oooohhh, that was angsty right at the end, wasn't it?**_

_**Blimey.**_

_**If you like the direction it's going, then you're going to LOVE the next chapter. We've got manically-revenge-obsessed-Alex galore, and a teensy bit of Sirius/Alex action. Hurrah!**_

_**By the way, I'm sorry for quoting Night At The Museum at the end there, it just seemed so damn appropriate!**_

_**Rapunzel27: **__Thankyou! I'm not sure how they worked out in this chapter, but they seemed ok. Keep me posted :) x_

_**A million cookies to those of you who keep reading. Why you do it is beyond me. A billion cookies to those who review and subscribe - I love you guys!**_

_**Cheersies :)**_

_**TheGreenEyedIdiot xx**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N: Sorry, sorry sorry!!!! Reaalllllyyy long gap, but my art GCSE is thanking you for it :)**_

_**Rapunzel27: **__You are my new favourite person! I know, I know, me neither. I wish I could write faster, I want to know what happens, damn it!_

_**Thanks to everyone who has rated and reviewed, thanks to everyone who keeps reading, thanks to everyone who starts reading and then gets bored and stops... thanks to everyone, really. **_

_**You guys are pure genius :D**_

_**So, I think we all have a pretty good idea what's going to happen here, but if you don't: Oooh, the tension!**_

_**Hope you enjoy, REVIEW, MY YOUNG ONES, REVIEW!**_

_**TheGreenEyedIdiot xx**_

Alex strode down the corridor, absorbed in her thoughts.

_What would really piss him off? What would force him to think of me as more than just a girl who he happens to be friends with? What would.. what would..._

Her train of thought abruptly broke off as her eyes focused on something in the distance.

_Perfect, _she thought, a wicked grin spreading across her face.

* * *

It was simple, really. So much so that she couldn't work out why it'd taken her so long to think of. The only question now was _who._ And how to fool them...

The person who had triggered her brainwave had been a notorious heartbreaker by the name of Elliott Ashwell. Elliott was a sixth year Ravenclaw, and he had recently been the talk of the school for something that was equally unforgivable to the female half of the school population as it was admired by the male half.

In short, he had slept with his girlfriend's best friend.

It was a horrendous offence, hardly made any better by the fact that the friend had been a complete slut, and the school had been buzzing for weeks. Alex vaguely remembered a fight between Elliott and his ex's best friend - named David Burne, if she wasn't mistaken - where Elliott had been admitted to the hospital ward for over three weeks, and David subjected to a month of detentions.

It had been one of the best days of Alex's life. Especially since David was a fourth year.

In fact, she had heard of Lisa Hudson before. She had been Elliott's girlfriend.

Interesting. She seemed to have more sense than that, what a small world!... Never mind. Concentrate, concentrate.

So that was her plan.

Well, not exactly. It wasn't only that she was above such things, - _Dream on, beautiful, _the voice cut in - but she wanted to really hurt Remus. And of course, Remus wasn't her boyfriend. And she probably wouldn't even sleep with the lucky boy.

Unless he was good looking.

Anyway, her plan was separated into three carefully planned stages:

Stage One: Seduce Lupin. That's all she had on that one. Come back to it.

Stage Two: Randomly and Unexpectedly hook up with some one or other of Remus' friends. (Identify friend in question ASAP.)

Stage Three: Crush Lupin by causing him to realise that it was Alex he'd wanted all along.

Simple.

Again, the only questions were _who_ and _how_.

_It should be someone he's close to. Not just any old person, someone he knows well, someone who he would feel had betrayed him..._

So that only left Jim-jams, Sirius, Peter, Lily, Maggie and Alice.

_No, Lily, Maggie and Alice are girls. Keep your head in the game, Burke_.

So: Jim-jams, Siri-poo, or Petey. Bloody hell. Short list or what? And Jim-jams, well, she wanted to hurt _Remus_, not Lily, so he was off limits anyway.

Siri-poo or Petey?

Erm, Siri-poo.

_Not that I have anything against Petey, _she reminded herself, _it's just... Sirius Black versus Peter Pettigrew, for Christ's sake._

She shivered in anticipation. Oooh, this was gonna be fun.

* * *

"Ashwell!", Alex yelled, her loud voice turning several shocked heads in her direction. It was far too early in the morning to be shouting.

"Burke." Elliott replied silkily, one perfect eyebrow rising in surprise as he turned to face Alex.

"I need a favour," Alex admitted immediately, her eyes turning from determined to pleading with all the skill of a well-trained actor.

"Really, Burke?" Elliott replied, letting his eyes very obviously and lazily rake over her body. "What did you have in mind?" he added, with a seductive smile.

Alex, unfortunately, could definately see why girls continued to flock to him despite his reputation. He was like Sirius, so unbelievably gorgeous, with such magnetic charm and an over-confident manner... girls simply fell over themselves to get to him.

But she wasn't going to get distracted that easily. She didn't get her reputation as 'the female Sirius Black' for nothing.

She walked slowly closer to him, her eyes turning from pleading to scorching as she moved. Leaning right in next to his ear and running her fingertips along his neck and collarbone, she whispered sweetly, "It's just a little something... how about we meet, say; here, tonight, around nine?" She leaned back, inwardly congratulating herself. She was good, oh, she was _good._

Elliott flashed her a glittering grin, "I'll be here," he said, his straight brown hair falling into sparkling green eyes as he lowered his face to hers. "Have a _very_ nice day, Miss Burke." He smiled in an 'I-know-exactly-what-you're-doing' way, and pinched her arse cheekily.

He gave her one last doe-eyed look, and moved smoothly away.

_They got it wrong. I'm not the female Sirius Black, Sirius Black is the male _me_. _Alex thought triumphantly, as she watched Elliott walk away. It didn't matter that he knew roughly what she was doing, and that it definately would not involve what they had both implied, what mattered was that he would be there, and that he was clearly buzzing at the fact that Alexa Burke had just blatantly hit on him in front of a large group of people.

_If only it were that easy to seduce Remus, _she thought sadly. But at least she wasn't on her own. Elliott may be a bastard, but he knew his stuff. It wouldn't shock anyone to see them around together, - they were both plenty attractive enough for each other, - and some of them might even have been expecting it.

_If only Ashwell and Lupin were closer..._ Alex thought ruefully. _But now is not the time for 'if only's'. Now is the time for action._ And she spun on her heel and headed for Ancient Runes - a class which, handily enough, she and Remus shared.

* * *

"Morning Remus," Alex said cheerily, ignoring the stabbing feeling in her gut as his brown eyes met her violet pair, and forcing her face into what must have been a slightly pained-looking grin.

"Hey Alex," Remus replied, as he sat down next to her and began unpacking his books. She then decided to take a quick break from verbal contact for the time being, and quickly became entranced with the muscles in his forearms, showcased beautifully in the rolled up sleeves of his school shirt, rippling and bunching and stretching in the smooth golden case of his perfect skin.

_Oi, wake up, sleeping beauty, you're over him, remember? You've got a job to do!_

**I think this is the first time I've ever appreciated your being here.**

_Yeah, yeah, I'm a bloody genius, shut up and pay attention! Oh, he's noticed. Nice work, Idiot McDreamyson._

"Alex? Earth to Alex?" Remus asked, sounding annoyed and amused at the same time.

"Oh, sorry Remus. Just completely zoned out there. Were you saying something?"

Remus' face twisted slightly, as though she had just insulted him viciously.

"Umm, yeah. I was. But it doesn't matter... don't worry." He muttered.

"No, no!" Alex said frantically, "I want to know!"

_*Headdesks*_

**Shut up, I don't see you telling me what to do.**

_That's because you've made so much of a hash of it that I don't think even my expertise could save you now. Remind me why I talk to you again?_

**You know that doesn't make any sense at all. AT ALL.**

_I know. *Sighs*. A girl can dream though. Without me you'd be nothing, you realise this? I'm your sense of humour, if you hadn't already guessed. I'd introduce you to Mrs. Boring-as-fuck, your sense of responsibility, but I'm distracting you now, so stop listening and get on with, you bloody fool!_

**I hate you.**

_Shut up, Burke!_

Remus was looking at her appraisingly, but finally his face cleared and he looked down at her excitedly,

"I want to ask Maggie."

"Eh? Ask her what?" Alex was lost. She had a feeling that she shouldn't be, and that possibly she should be screaming at him right about now, but her brain seemed to have disappeared briefly.

Remus seemed to think so too, because he looked down at her like she was a complete idiot, and said again slowly, "Ask her _out_, Ally, ask Maggie _out._"

Alex mind went blank.

**Nonononono.... I hate her, I hate her...**

Look, this isn't making anything better, just answer him, for God's sake!

_As much as I hate to say this, my condsiderably duller and more annoying counterpart has a point. Get you head in gear!_

"Are you? Wow! Er... that's great! You realise I'll take full responsibility for you guys if you get it together?"

"And if we don't you'll say you never thought it was a good idea in the first place," Remus finished wearily, a cheeky smile on his face.

"Naturally." Alex deadpanned,

Remus shook his head, chuckling. "Do you ever think we spend too much together?"

"Absolutely not!" Alex replied immediately, shocked. "And whoever says we do is obviously jealous of my incredible looks or your fantastic brains."

_Not to mention gorgeous arms, hair, eyes and mouth, stunning personality, impeccable taste or incredible sensitivity..._

Remus grinned at her, "Or, of course, both."

"Quite so." Alex replied, nodding.

_**A/N: Hello again, my beauties!**_

_**So, that was pretty long, I guess. Yay!**_

_**I'm gonna try and get another one out really fast to make up for my massive absence, so watch for it. :D**_

_**Next chappy; Elliott + Alex's meeting, first proper Alex-on-Sirius action, and Remus may or may not make his move!**_

_**Wow. That's quite a lot, isn't it? I need to start writing...**_

_**So, rate, review, favourite, flame... I'm not particularly bothered.**_

_**Oh, if there's any typo's I'm terribly sorry, but I'm really bloody tired and checking for typos will probably make me pass out.**_

_**Have a good one,**_

_**TheGreenEyedIdiot xx**_


	6. Chapter 6

_**A/N: Hello, m'dears!**_

_**Didn't I tell you I'd update ridiculously fast? You see, a blonde never lies...**_

_**Ok, ok, it wasn't fast. But it's LONG. That must count for something, right? Right??**_

_**This this chapter is for my very bestiest friend Lisa Hudson, who begged to be put in and then bgged for a suggestive comment from a certain Mr. Black. Here you go Hudders, a whole chapter, MAINLY FOR YOU! :O**_

_**mrsgrabeel192: **__Thankyou times a billion!!! I know, so do I, but it's just her way, I think. Wow. How pyschotic/split-personality did that sound just then? *shudder* Creepy. Thanks anyway :)_

_**Rapunzel27: **__The obsession can now end! You will definately enjoy this. I can promise you that...I mean, if you discount the stupidity of the writing and so on... and you may also find that you hate me slightly... yep, me too. She is fast becoming one of my all-time favourite characters to write :)_

_**I think I already told you my plans for this chapter, which was a bit stupid and excitement-destroying of me, but... meh.**_

_**I hope you enjoy, tell me what you think and so on... *cough* REVIEW! *cough***_

_**Love to you all!**_

_**TheGreenEyedIdiot xx**_

"So. Elliott Ashwell, huh?"

News traveled fast at Hogwarts.

"I mean, sure, he's absolutely bloody _gu-HOR-geous, _and certainly, you two would make a _stunning_ pair-"

And by fast, what is meant is that if, for example, Alexa Burke were to hit on, say, Elliott Ashwell at about 7:30 on a tuesday morning, the whole school would know by breakfast that same day.

"-and I mean that literally. I don't think anyone in our year or below could beat you two in a duel... except maybe Sirius. And possibly Lily-kins, but that's only because they're inhumanly genius and Sirius' reactions are a bit scarily fast-"

Breakfast started at 8:00.

"-but really, did you even _hear_ about the Lisa/Elliott/David fiasco? Are you listening to me? Alex? _Alex!_"

Alex sighed exasperatedly and turned to face her disgruntled-looking best friend.

"Yes, I'm listening, no, Sirius couldn't beat me in a duel - don't you remember fifth year? It took them five weeks to repair Oxwell's classroom and that bit of the corridor - no, me and Ashwell aren't dating, and of _course_ I heard about the Lisa/Elliott/David thing, I'm not dead, you know." Before turning back to her breakfast.

Porridge. Why? Just why?

Before she could become too absorbed in her thoughts once again, Alice's voice cut through her mind, disrupting the quiet she was trying to acheive.

"Yes, yes, yes, alright then, so why were you, and to use the words of one - slightly distraught, by the way - Rowena Scintha, 'rubbbing yourself all over him like the pathetic tart that you are'?"

Alex grinned at this. Rowena was, and always had been, deserately in love with Elliott Ashwell. The fact that he professed absolutely no interest whatsoever seemed to do nothing if not make her keener.

"I needed a favour," Alex shugged, swallowing a spoonful of the disgusting porridge (_Why, why why?), _"I was enlisting his help in the fastest way possible."

"_You_ need the help of _that?_" Alice replied in surprise, jerking her head towards the boy in question, who appeared to be chatting up about half of the ravenclaw table at once, regardless of sex.

Alex observed him, grinning. "You can't deny it - the boy's got talent." She'd made a good choice in enlisting Elliott. Just at that moment he looked up and caught her eye. He grinned widely and winked. His expression clearly stating _'Hello, gorgeous, fancy a quick shag?'_

Alice followed her gaze and snorted. "He's worse than Sirius, for god's sake!"

"I seriously doubt that," the boy himself replied, seating himself in front of Alex. "Haha. Do you see what I did there?? Do you see? '_Seriously'?_"

Alice rolled her eyes and turned towards Frank, who had been observing their conversation with a slightly bemused expression on his face.

"Is it me," Sirius began conspiritorially, leaning across the table, "or has she got _really_ boring since she and Frankie-boy got _serious_?" He chuckled. "Serious, Sirius." He muttered laughingly to himself.

Alex nodded and grinned, "She's worse than Remus. Did you know, that was one of the things I promised myself I'd never say? Things must be getting bad."

Sirius flashed her one of his signature heart-stopping smiles and replied, "We must stick together in times of trouble, Sugarplum. Why don't you get over here and we'll protect each other from the horrors of commitment?" He patted the seat next to him invitingly.

Alex smiled and shook her head slightly. "What are you _like_? I'm doing this for your own good, you know. What about the proper girlfriend thing? Hows the search coming?"

Sirius put his chin in his hands and sighed. "Terrible. It's not like I've got a shortage of gorgeous and occasionally interesting women to go out with," -_He's not bloody kidding, _Alex thought - "It's just that I can't seem to stop myself from looking at other girls!"

"And speaking to other girls, and flirting with other girls, and snogging other girls senseless, and-"

"Alright, alright, I get the picture. I'm the one doing it, you know. I don't need you reminding me."

"And occasionally sleeping with other girls." Alex finished, "But only the really good-looking ones."

"Oh christ. This is never going to happen, is it?" Sirius asked, his head flopping down onto the table in despair.

Alex looked at him pityingly. "Aww, don't worry, matey! I know exactly what you're going through. I'm not exactly known for my er... ability to commit either."

Sirius looked up excitedly, "Ally! This is brilliant, wonderful, _fantastico!"_

"Eh?"

"We'll do it together! You and me!"

Alex looked at him blankly. Surely he didn't mean...

"We'll help each other through this!" Oh christ. He did. "You can help me by slapping me - metaphorically, of course - if it looks like I'm about to do something stupid and/or potentially damaging to my relationship, and I'll be your... emotional support, or whatever." He looked at her, "And, of course, if it gets to be too much we can always have a quickie on the side. Just to release our pent-up sexual tension, you understand," he finished with a big wink.

_There_ was the Siri-poo she knew and loved.

"Bloody hell, you really are - control yourself - _serious_ about this, aren't you?"

Sirius, trying desperately to keep a straight face, managed a strangled; "Absolutely, Sugarplum. One thousand percent. Now, about that quickie..."

* * *

"So what you're trying to say is..."

"I need your help, yes."

Elliott was watching her appraisingly, rolling a galleon between his fingers nonchalantly.

"All right. I'll do it." Green met purple, "But I'll expect a pay-off at the end of it."

Alex rolled her eyes. "Whatever you need, Ashwell, just tell me what to do."

Eliott stood up from his perch on the staircase and grinned broadly, "Come on then, beautiful, why don't we go somewhere less, erm, what's the word? Visible to the entire population of Hogwarts?"

Alex grinned back, relieved, and held out her hand, "Your wish is my command."

She watched, bored, as the cogs turned in Elliott's head and then sighed.

_Boys._

* * *

"Sirius?" Alex asked, uncharacteristically quiet. Her nerves finally seemed to be surfacing. _Breathe, breathe. What's wrong with you, girl? BREATHE!_

"Oh, Sugarplum!" Sirius cried, a stricken look on his face, "Thank god you're here, is all I'm going to say. I don't think I've been so pleased to see your pretty little bottom as I am now,"

_Well, that was a ridiculously good start,_ the voice commented, and Alex couldn't help but agree.

"Lily-kins was planning a study session!" Sirius whispered, sounding scandalised. "A _study session,_ I ask you. And not even the good kind where you end up snogging - because I asked her if that's what she meant and she just shook her head and said "Oh, Sirius," and not in a good way! - no, an _actual study session!"_

Alex 'ahhh'ed sympathetically, and patted his shoulders, before suggesting that they go on a walk to 'escape the wrath of Lily-kins'.

Sirius, obviously, agreed enthusiastically, and wrapped his arm around her protectively. Alex sent him a questioning glance and he returned it with a wink and a shrug.

"Sticking together in times of trouble, Sugarplum, it's the only way!"

Alex, deciding that arguing would probably be counterproductive, especially condsidering what she'd come here to achieve, decided to leave it.

_And the fact that his arm feels very nice when it's all wrapped around you like that has absolutely nothing to do with it?_

**Nothing.**

_Righto._

The entire way down to the lake - well, she assumed that was where they were going, Sirius was steering, - Alex spent shooting Sirius covert little looks out of the corner of her eye. His expression was as it usually was, cheerful, with an irrepressible glimmer of amusement in the sparkling grey eyes, but there was something else. Something was bothering him.

When they finally reached the edge of the lake (Alex had been right, although they had taken a slight detour - or maybe it was a shortcut? - through the greenhouses) Alex wasted no time in finding out what the problem was. Turning in his arms, she looked directly up at him and into his eyes.

"Sirius-" she began, but he cut her off.

"Alex, shh, hold on a second. Why did you ask me to come out with you today? Tell the truth. Don't try and make this easier for me."

"What do you-?"

"You're not an idiot, Alex, you must know on some level. But neither am I, and I've seen the way you look at Remus-"

"You should know, it's not like that any more. And it never even was to start with for him." She finished sadly.

"You know that's not true. Weren't you listening that day in charms? Remus' perfect girl _is_ you! Always has been."

"No, he likes Maggie!"

Sirius looked at her sadly, "What would you do," he began quietly, "if the person you'd loved from the moment you met them told you you'd be perfect with someone else? One of their best friends? I know what I'd do."

Alex stared at him, her eyes wide. "Oh god. I'm such an idiot. Why the hell am I such an idiot?"

Sirius grinned at her wearily and rumpled his hair, "Yes, it's all rather... inconvenient, isn't it?"

"That's one way of putting it," Alex replied, sliding down the tree trunk they were leant against and landing with a _thump_ at the bottom. "And you-?"

"Yes." Sirius replied.

"Are you sure, because-"

"Yes." He said again. And then his expression turned thoughtful. "Probably since about the beginning of fifth year. We had that duel in DADA, remember? The one that destroyed Oxwell's classroom? Yeah. Probably around then. I dunno if you'd remember... I went on an absolute rampage... dating every good-looking thing that moved. Especially blondes." He stopped suddenly, his eyes locked onto Alex's own blonde curls, before carrying on in a calmer tone. "I think I reasoned that if I went out with enough people I'd forget about you. Didn't work. Eventually I leaned to live with it." His gaze now burned into her eyes, "I honestly thought I'd lost you to Remus. The fact that he's just so bloody _modest_ is probably the only thing that saved me - he never realised, you know."

"And now he's going to ask Maggie. Oh, poor Remus!" she cried.

Sirius looked vaguely amused, "Don't flatter yourself, Sugarplum, he'll be perfectly happy with her. Before you turned up they were probably on the brink of something anyway. Maggie went through quite a violent 'I hate Alexa Burke' stage in the begining. She got over it though, once she found out you didn't return the sentiments."

Alex felt a wave of shame break through her body. How much _more_ had she missed? She didn't know her best friends at all!

Srius seemed to read her mind and continued, "Don't worry, you know pretty much everything else about us. I'm sure you understand why we kept that particular secret from you."

Alex simply sat there, still as a statue. What had she been about to do? Remus didn't deserve punishment! if anything, _she_ deserved to be punished. She'd hurt so many people... Remus, Maggie... Sirius.

_Sirius._

She wasn't going to pretend that she'd seen it coming. And she wasn't going to pretend that she returned the feeling. It was _Sirius._

_Sirius Black._

_Is it me, or is this whole situation oddly and annoyingly familiar?_

**It's not you, and I know what you're thinking. This doesn't mean I'm suddenly going to fall for Sirius, you know. It's Sirius. **_**Sirius.**_

_I KNOW. Do you want me to do the whole 'He's gorgeous, isn't he? Mmmm' thing, or can you do that on your own?_

**I don't know why I bother being nice to you. Here I am, in the middle of an emotional crisis, and all you can think of is HOW GOOD LOOKING SIRIUS BLACK IS?**

_Er... yeah. He is though. Even Elliott doesn't have a patch on him._

**True. But this is not the time, ok? Now leave me alone.**

_You'd think that after all I do to helpo you you'd maybe start to appreciate me a bit._

**...**

_No? Fine. I'll be going then._

**...**

_Don't you think I won't..._

**...**

_Oh, all right._

Sirius was watching her with sad eyes.

"It's not your fault, Ally-pally. I just... I dunno. I'm glad you know, anyway"

Alex looked back at him, pity emanating from every part of her. Reaching up, she brushed a wisp of black hair back from his forehead and mouthed the words "I'm sorry."

Sirius smiled down at her slightly before taking her hand from his face and brushing his lips against it slowly.

"I know Sugarplum, I know."

And then he was gone.

Alex slid further down the tree trunk, put her head in her hands, and let two tears slide out from under closed eyes.

_Two tears for Remus, two tears for Sirius. Weird. And coincidental._

She remembered her promise to herself not to cry any more tears for Remus Lupin, and realised now how unfair that probably was. How many tears would she have cried for him if she'd known the whole story?

_I'll cry however many tears as I see fit for Sirius Black. I'm not the kind of girl to go back on a promise to herself... so I'll just have to hope that Remus doesn't do anything that upsets me too much._ She thought grimly.

_Alexa Burke, you really are a first class idiot._

**Shut up.**

* * *

_**A/N: Angsty angst angst!**_

_**Hands up if you saw that coming, because I certainly didn't.**_

_**Until I started writing, I mean. **_

_**I'm not insinuating that it was a completely spur-of-the-moment-type thing and that I have now completely had to change my plot because this way seemed more interesting and unusual...**_

_**Nothing like that.**_

_**Again, excuse the typos - my search for a beta continues! *hint... hint...***_

_**I spent about a day writing this, so... I guess it's pretty good, considering.**_

_**What did you think, Lisa? IF YOU DON'T REVIEW I WILL NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN AND/OR GIVE YOU HARIBO.**_

_**Sooo... review? Pleases? *is hopefully begging in such a way that doesn't make me appear desperate or needy or anything..."**_

**Love and muffins, and very possibly love muffins,**

**TheGreenEyedIdiot xx**


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N: Hello pickles!**_

_**So I was lying on my bed after a Naming Ceremony (which is basically a Christening only not... Christian), a little bit drunk, and I decided that I should really start writing this chapter, because it's been, what? Three days since my last update? And for me that's pretty awful. Especially considering how I left the last chapter... this is really more of a filler chapter, but it's pretty important, and it gives you a load of background stuff with is pretty 'YAY!', I guess.**_

_**Be happy guys, and ignore the worse-than-usual typos, please :)**_

_**And how about last chappy, eh?? I know it's not my usual style, but it had to be there. It's pretty obvious why, I mean, WOW.**_

_**Poor Alex :(**_

_**Sooo, I've decided to give her a bit of a break in this chapter, and hopefully change your perception of a few characters slightly... *giggles uncontrollably***_

_**Be prepared to go 'WOAH, she's awesome!!"**_

_**Hehehehehehehehehe.**_

_**mrsgrabeel192: **__I know! But it's about to get a whole lot better, don't you worry :)_

_**So rate, REVIEW, (PLEASE?), and all that crap, and remember: reviews make me type faster!**_

_**Honest :)**_

_**Piles of lovelyness,**_

_**TheGreenEyedIdiot xx**_

* * *

Lily and Alice were sitting eating breakfast at the Gryffindor table. Maggie and Remus had just left, and Alex had just appeared. Sirius was sitting with James and Peter a little way away.

"Hey Ally, I saved you a-" Lily began, but Alex merely shot her a pained look and went to sit alone, a couple of seats away from the boys. "Huh. Alrighty then..."

Alice watched her best friend worriedly. "Something's up with that girl. She doesn't eat, doesn't sleep... she can barely even _flirt_ these days!"

Lily nodded, "I was watching her with Diggory yesterday. She didn't even have to shake him off, he just got bored and left after a few minutes!"

Alice stared at her disbelievingly. Lily nodded sadly.

"Right. _Right._"

Alice got up and marched over to where her friend sat, slowly shredding a slice of bread. She removed the bread from the girl's hands, and sat down next to her.

"Alex, what's going on? Lily told me about Diggory."

Alex looked at her, tears welling in her eyes. "He liked me all along, Al. He liked me. And I wanted to hurt him... and Sirius... and the duel... and Oxwell's classroom... and dating blondes... and Remus, he, he.... and Maggie..." her eyes focused slightly, and then narrowed. "Why didn't you tell me about Remus and Maggie?" she asked in a ferocious whisper, "Why didn't you tell me Remus liked me?"

Alice was stunned. She'd been expecting something... well, she didn't know what she had been expecting. But it hadn't been this.

"Ally, Ally," Alice began desperately, soothingly, "You know why I couldn't tell you! I'm so sorry, but I just couldn't. I didn't even think it was relevant... oh God, Alex. You like him don't you?"

During Alice's speech the tears in Alex's eyes had welled up and spilled out. Glaring at her through tear-stained eyes, Alex snarled, "_Liked._ _Liked_ him. No, not liked; _Loved._ I loved him. I loved him, and I gave up on him, because I didn't believe he could ever love me back. And now..." She took a deep breath. "Now he's gone back to Maggie and everyone's happy and he doesn't know and he'll never know because it would kill him - emotionally, of course. Remus is far too perfect to be that melodramatic. - and Sirius just comes out and _tells _me just like that and I've only just found out about Remus and I'm crying for Sirius and I'm crying for Remus even though I tell myself I'm not because I promised I wouldn't and... Oh, Ali!"

Alex threw herself onto Alice and buried her head in her shoulder. Alice wrapped her arms around her in a knee-jerk reaction - she was still too stunned to be able to think clearly. She'd known about Remus, but Sirius as well? And by the looks of things the arse had just come out and told her everything in one massive chunk, and one of those things on their own would be enough to shock someone, but _both together?_

Oh, he was going to pay for that.

Alex was sniffing and wiping her eyes. "Oh Ali, I'm sorry. That was weird for you. And i probably shouldn't have told you about Sirius but I had to tell _someone _and..." She bit her lip. "We've drifted apart over the years, haven't we, Alice darling?" She gave a watery smile. "I've missed calling you my best friend and meaning it."

Alice smiled glowingly. "Not as much as I have." She stood up. "Come on, beautiful, lets bunk. I feel a spot of mischief coming on."

Alex, still grinning at the sound of Alice's old name for her, clambered to her feet and wrapped her arm around Alice's waist.

"Certainly, my dear. I'm sure I can come down with a severe and extremely contagious illness in the next few minutes. Let's go."

And, smiling broadly, the duo exited the hall, watched by the entire population of Hogwarts school.

"This... isn't necessarily going to be a good thing for us, is it?" James queried nonchalantly of his best friend.

"Probably not, Prongsie. Probably not." Sirius replied, his tone, well... _serious._

* * *

Alex, even now, couldn't place the moment when her and Alex had begun to drift apart.

Precisely because that's what had happened. They had _drifted._ One month they spent every second together, then next Alice met Frank and of course, quality time between the girls had suffered slightly, the next Alex would have a major Quidditch game and every spare moment would be spent practising... neither had ever made a conscious desision to stop being alone together so often, it had just... happened.

The moment that divided them as best friends though, was still clear in her memory. How could it not be?

They had still called each other 'my best friend', still thought of each other as 'my best friend', but they both knew it wasn't true. Alice had Frank, and Alex... well, Alex was Alex.

It was fifth year, and it had been a hot day. One of the hottest they'd had, marred only by their final OWL examination - Defence Against the Dark Arts. Her, Alice, Lily, Maggie, Rowena (before she decided that she hated Alex), and two other Ravenclaw fifth year girls named Mia Hatheric and Lulu Boswotti, were dipping their feet in the lake and laughing as Mia and Alex tried to see who could get closest to the Giant Squid without falling in. All of them taking full advantage of the fact that Alice was with them and Frank wasn't - a rare occurance even then.

She remembered how, after a particuarly daring stretch on Mia's part, she had been preparing to lean in herself but was distracted by a loud yell and a flash of light, and by Severus Snape hanging upside down with his underwear on show.

Lily had narrowed her eyes and muttered venomously, "Potter."

She had pulled back just as Lily stood up and began marching towards the Marauders, muttering about 'immature idiots' and various torture methods as she went.

"Potter!" Lily had yelled, and then the fight had commenced. Well, less of a fight than Lily insulting James and James attempting - badly - to defend himself. She had just begun to tunr the whole thing out when;

"...Don't need the help of that _mudblood_...!"

"He did _not_ just say that." She had sprung to her feet faster even than Maggie, who's reaction speed was well renowned.

A split second later Maggie was on her feet and glaring in Potter's direction with narrowed eyes.

"I'm going to _kill _the bastard."

Alice had given Alex a quick once-over and shrugged. "Ok. I'm gonna go look after Lily."

She and Alex had locked eyes, and in that split second something changed. Both acknowledging this, they nodded stiffly to each other and walked swiftly in their separate directions, Maggie right by Alex's side, a murderous expression in her eyes.

"Snape!" Maggie spat the moment they reached him.

Potter seemed to be in the process of removing Snape's underwear, but with a flick of her wand Alex released him, and then muttered to Potter, "She's our mate. It's our show."

Potter had shrugged and retreated a short distance to stand next to Black and Lupin.

Alex moved up close to Snape and hissed at him, "What the _hell_," she kicked him over so he was facing up at her, "was that for?"

Maggie moved so she was standing next to Alex. "She's our _best friend._ She was _nice_ to you and you don't even _deserve_ it. I'm not going to pretend I know why she did it because, frankly, I have no idea why _anyone _would bother."

Alex flicked her wand again, and he was standing up.

"No use pretending, girlies," Snape began sneeringly, "She _is_ a mu-" Maggie was in front of him almost immediately, her face inches from his and her wand sticking into his throat. "Say that again, you bastard, and every time you so much as _think_ the name 'Lily Evans', you'll be in absolute _agony_."

Alex could tell that this had somehow got through to Snape much more than any of their other words, and something Alice had told her came to the forefront of her mind; "...He's obviously besotted with her... She hates potter, but Sev can't seem to get it into his thick head..."

Looking him dead in the eyes, she said cruelly; "So this is how we treat the woman you love, eh? No wonder she's more interested in this prat-" she nodded her head at James, "-than you."

Snape's eyes bulged slightly and he started towards Alex, "You fucking bitch! I'll kill you! I'll-" His bulging eyes went vacant, and he wobbled slightly before crashing to the ground.

Alex looked at Maggie in amazement.

Maggie rubbing her knuckes gingerly as though they hurt.

Which wouldn't surprisingly really, seeing as she had just _punched Snape in the face._

Noticing Alex's look, she shrugged. "I don't like it when people threaten my friends. Especially when the people are Snape."

There was a few moments of silence, before Sirius burst into laughter. Wiping pretend tears of joy away from his eyes, he slung an arm around each of their waists and shook his head incredulously.

"I can't believe it. I just can't believe it. The mouse that bloody punches, eh? That was a good one as well. Knocked him clean away. Slightly disappointed in you though, Sugarplum," he continued, turning to Alex, "was hoping you'd sling a few punches. That would have been the turn-on to end all turn-ons, lets me tell you that."

Alex batted her lashes at his playfully and raised her fist, "Oh, I'm sorry. Would you like me to hit you now, or later?"

Luckily at that point James decided he had been ignored for too long, and slipped in between Sirius and Alex. "Come on, girls, let us go tell Lily-kins of our success! And, Maggie, I was wondering, since we're such good buddies now, and you're such good mateys with Evans..."

Suffice to say, not one single person had dared mess with either of the girls ever again since that incident. Especially Maggie.

The only other thing that changed that day was that suddenly Potter and his friends were hanging around with them in the common room now. No one seemed completely sure why, but by the end of the year they had become good friends.

And well... here they were.

_Yes. Here we are. Brilliant, isn't it?_

_**A/N: Not much to comment on here, I s'pose, but at least Ally-pally has her bestiest matey back!**_

_**And there's a LOT of awesomeness on Maggie's part here, which is good. I love Maggie lots and lots, but I get the impression that she's coming off as a bit of a boring bitch?**_

_**So that was a little something to help get her back in your good books :)**_

_**Maggie is based on one of my actual real friends, (yes, I have them.) so MASSIVE love to Harriet cos she's just so damn awesome, and also because she actually did knock someone out.**_

_**If you knew Harriet you'd understand why that is just so amazing.**_

_**Literally, the girl is made of sticks.**_

_**Anyhoo, comment on the little that is here, maybe tell me your overall view of Maggie? Or any character really. I know how difficult it is to please you Sirius-lovers (In a non-hypocritical way), so if you like my version please tell me. And if you don't then... just tell me anyway.**_

_**Love x 10000000000000,**_

_**TheGreenEyedIdiot xx**_


	8. Chapter 8

_**A/N: Hello, my little gnomes!**_

_**I am ridiculously sorry at the huge-normous gap, but there's just been so much bloody STUFF to do.**_

_**This chapter's gonna have a bit of Jim-jams/Lily-kins action, because I feel that they have been neglected.**_

_**So if you wouldn't mind, after you have read this 'ere chapter, you could press that little greyish-purple-green-blue button at the bottom, and tell me some of your thoughts?**_

_**Corking.**_

_**mrsgrabeel129: **__Thanks! It's nice to know that someone appreciates her coolness other than myself._

_**InstantlyInsane: **__Brilliant! This isn't exactly soon, but I hope you forgive me. *hopeful look*_

_**Muchos Loveos,**_

_**TheGreenEyeydidiot xx**_

* * *

"...What about you, Miss Burke?"

"Alex."

"Miss Burke?"

"Alex!"

"_Miss Burke?"_

"Alex!" _shove _"For Merlin's sake!"

"Mmmm... No, I'm busy... Wait, wha-?"

"Ahh, Miss Burke." McGonagall's icy tone broke through the fog of sleep that clouded Alex's brain. "So glad you finally chose to grace us with your consciousness. Perhaps now you could give us the three remaining Transfiguration Laws?"

Lily rolled her eyes and muttered what sounded like; "_Bloody idiot."_ Before sliding a piece of parchment with the remaining three laws written on it slightly closer to her.

Alex recited this to the Professor, who smiled tightly at her and turned away, and gave Lily an appreciative grin. The red-head rolled her eyes.

"Damn lucky McGonagall loves so you much."

"I love you, Lils"

"Yeah, whatever."

Alex turned, grinning, to Sirius, who threw a piece of parchment at her and tutted mockingly.

Unrolling the crumpled sheet, Alex read the two words written there in Sirius' spiky handwriting.

_**Naughty, naughty.**_

Rolling her eyes, Alex replied;

_Shut up. I've had a traumatic week._

Sirius smiled down at Alex's messy scrawl as the words materialised on his own sheet.

_**Of, course, so sorry. How could I forget?**_

_No need to be sarcastic. My emotional welfare is seriously questionable right now._

_***Hides under desk.***_

_Typical._

_**Excuse me?**_

_Blokes. First sign of any display of feeling and they run for cover._

_**Not ANY display of feeling. If the feeling, for example, were to be lust... then I would be perfectly happy to stay, watch, participate...**_

_You sicken me._

_**Yeah, yeah. Cos you haven't had more than your share.**_

_Don't change the subject._

_**I'm not!**_

_You are!_

_**Who's changing the subject now?**_

_I'm not talking to you._

_**Bit late for that, Princess.**_

_..._

_**Princess?**_

_What happened to 'Sugarplum'_?

_**Ahh, see? I knew you couldn't resist my charm.**_

_Right, that's it, end of coversation._

_**Ok, ok. Bye Beautiful.**_

_Bugger off, handsome._

Shoving the enchanted parchment into her pocket just as the bell rang, Alex swung her bag onto her shoulder and exited the classroom followed by James and Lily, who were having a heated debate.

"...Absolutely nothing wrong with it, Ja- Potter, I just don't need to see it every other fucking time I check a sodding broom cupboard!"

Wow, she must be pissed off. Lily didn't usually curse too badly unless she was annoyed or angry. Admittedly that was quite often...

"Don't be ridiculous. You've caught me at it how many times? Twice? You put me in detention for it as well, so don't try and use that as an excuse. And you _must_ have caught Sirius more times than you've caught me..."

Hmm. That was odd. Lily used to laugh at, even _endorse_ his escapades in broom cupboards. She said they kept his mind off her and stopped him 'being such an arse all the time.'

So why the sudden change of tone?

"...Why does it even bother you?"

_Hit the nail right on the head there, Jim-Jams. Good boy. _Alex thought, slowing her pace in order to listen more closely.

"It doesn't! It doesn't bother me at all! But you're my friend James, and I'd appreciate you not making my job - as a prefect, I mean - any harder!"

And with that, Lily, her face matching her hair, practically ran to join Alex.

Alex simply lifted one eyebrow.

"Shut up, I know what you're thinking, and you're wrong."

"I didn't say anything."

"I mean, it's not like I like Ja- Potter, or anything. Because I don't. He's an immature prat. And just because he's good looking and can get girls doesn't mean he has to _flaunt_ them. And I don't understand why anyone likes him anyway, because he's not even that attractive, really, and he's just arrogant and conceited and-"

She stopped suddenly, and glanced at Alex.

Her eyebrow was still raised.

Lily sighed. "It's Potter, though, Ally." She looked at her pleadingly. "_James Potter. _I hate him, right?"

Alex looked at her friend pityingly. "Whatever you say, Lils. Whatever you say."

* * *

"AllyAllyAlly!"

"Oi Oi Oi!"

Alex looked at her two best friends suspiciously over the three spoons that hung from her cheeks and nose..

"You... what?"

Maggie glanced at Lily and shrugged.

"It's a muggle thing."

Alex turned away from the pair slowly, as though they would attack her when her back was turned.

"Allllllexxxxxxx?"

"Allllliiiccce?"

"Why have you got spoooooons on your face?"

Alex sighed and began, in a slow and patronising tone, to explain that she did not have _spoons_ on her _face_, she had _face_ on her _spoons._

Alice stared at her best friend unblinkingly. Then she got up and moved around to Alex's other side.

"Nope. You're still a complete idiot from this angle."

"Charming. I-"

"Yes, yes, I'm here." A voice cut her off mid-sentence.

Both girls turned around to green eyes and brown hair.

Elliott flashed them a heart-stopping smile before turning his attention to Alex.

"Burke. A pleasure, as always. I particuarly enjoyed your introduction of me just now. If you were to make that permanent I certainly wouldn't protest..."

Lily, who had apparently turned around as well, cut in with;

"Ashwell, what do you want?"

"Evans! Looking beautiful, as always." Lily rolled her eyes. "Aww, don't be like that. I see you've kept Potter at bay for another year. Holding out for someone?"

He wiggled his eyebrows.

"Ugh. Not if that someone is you."

"Ah, well. You'll come round. Besides, it's Burke I'm here for." he turned back to Alex. "Walk with me, gorgeous?"

Alex shrugged and removed various items of cutlery from her face. "If I must."

"That's why I love you, Burke. Always so enthusiastic."

Alex grinned and swung her bag over her shoulder. "Catch you later, crazy cats."

Alice and Lily both shrugged and waved her off vaguely. James yelled a goodbye and Sirius called,

"Goodbye Princess! Love the alliteration, by the way."

Elliott snorted quietly before returning his competitor's terse nod. "I'll never understand that idiot. _Princess_."

Alex gave him a look.

"Don't give me that look. He may be your friend, but he's still an imbecile."

"That's the whole_ point_. No one will ever understand him. He's far too stupid."

"Oh."

"And he's complete ladies man. Have you seen him in action?" She was just provoking him now, but Elliott didn't seem to notice.

"Have you seen _me _in action? I bet the arsehole doesn't have a patch on me." He added quietly, fumingly.

Alex felt that the time was ripe for a change of subject.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you: I no longer require your services as I had originally intended." Elliott raised his eyebrows, but Alex brushed him off impatiently, "I've recently gained some... interesting knowledge that completely changes my position. Instead I need your help in dealing with best friends who apparently have fancied me for a year or so and just happen to be man-whores. Well, only one of them is a man-whore, but the point is there..."

The school had never heard such a high-pitched and gay-sounding noise come from it's resident heart throb.

"My, God Alex, your life is like a muggle sitcom! Seriously, I could watch you all day and still be begging for the next installment of 'The Lusty Tales of Alexa Burke, With Special Appearances from Extreme Idiots.'"

"Not particuarly snappy, is it?"

Elliott sighed huffily, "What about 'Tales of Love, Lust and Idiots' then? Miss Hard-to-Please?"

Alex grinned and linked her arm through Elliott's. "It's fantastic. Tales of Love, Lust and Idiots!" Her face fell momentarily. "Now all that's missing is the love." She sank down onto a low window sill. "What's wrong with me? I have no trouble getting boys, and I have minimal trouble getting rid of them... But I can never get into a lasting relationship! What is it about me that repels you? The only one I've got a chance with is Sirius, and he is the afore-mentioned man-whore!" She cried desperately. Elliott sank down next to Alex and put a hand cautiously on her shoulder.

"I think that maybe - and don't take this the wrong way, because you will, - that maybe it's because of your reputation?"

Alex's purple eyes flashed dangerously. "My _reputation, _Ashwell? And what would that be, then?"

Elliott grinned nervously. "Just that you... well, you're Alexa Burke, for Christ's sake! You're the female Sirius Black! If someone asked you if you'd have a relationship with Black, what would you say?"

Alex sighed and dropped her head.

"I s'pose you're right."

"I am."

She grinned slightly and looked into his glittering green eyes. "Cheers for all the help, Elliott. I appreciate it."

He stared right back into her sparkling purple orbs and smirked. "What am I here for, Ally-pally?"

She put her arm around his neck and gave him a whole-hearted hug. "I never thought I'd say this, Ashwell, but I'm glad we're friends."

He smiled into her golden locks and took in a deep breath, enjoying the slightly smoky smell. "So am I, gorgeous," he kissed the back of her head quickly. "So am I."

Several metres away, at the end or the corridor, a dark haired boy was backing quietly away, tears welling up dangerously in the corners of the smoky grey eyes.

_So this is what he meant to her._

_Fantastic._

* * *

_**A/N: Sooo, in the immortal words of er... everyone, I guess, 'Yay or Nay?'**_

_**Do you guys dislike Elliott? I kind of do. GIVE ALEX BACK TO SIRIUS, DAMMIT!**_

_**There's gonna be a very extreme plot twist in... a couple of chapters, probably, so watch for it.**_

_**Sorry about typos, people! They are literally unavoidable. I still need a betaaaaa.....**_

_**Sorry for the extreme lack of Sirius/Alex, but remember, I did give you their wonderfully flirty note-conversation at the beginning. I very nearly gave you nothing. Be happy.**_

_**And what about Jamsey/Lily-kins??? They are, very possibly, my third-favourite canon-couple. (First is Remus/Tonks, obvs - who doesn't love them?? Second is Harry/Ginny, although I am partial to a bit of Draco/Ginny, or Hermione/Ginny... or Sirius/Ginny, or occasionally... SHUT UP, IDIOT BRAIN!)**_

_**Anyway, back to the Evans/Potter thing, CUTE OR WHAT??**_

_**Ok, enough of this foolishness, hope you enjoyed it,**_

_**Snuggles,**_

_**TheGreenEyedIdiot xx**_


	9. Chapter 9

_**A/N: Hola, hip cats**_

_**Even bigger gap this time, sorry guys. Everything is been so bloody stressful these days :(**_

_***sigh***_

_**But anyway, I am delivering a steaming hot slice of witty anecdotes mingled with complete WUBBISH, direct to your... screens.**_

_**Hurrah!**_

_**ANDDDD**_

_**I AM NOW 15!!!!!!**_

_**I FEEL MATURER!**_

_**Well, not really. But the fact remains that I can now tell people: HA, I AM 15, NOT 13, NOR EVEN 14, **__**15**__**. AHA!**_

_**Erm, yes.**_

_**mrsgrabeel92: **__Thankyou, as always.I didn't even mean to do it! I realised after I posted the first chapter that she had the same name, and I was likev 'OHHHHH, thats why it sounded right.'. I basically just needed a pureblood family that I didn't have to make up... ME TOO! I think I may be in love with her._

_**angharad xoxo: **__I totally agree :P_

_**Annahbelle: **__You already know my opinion on your incredible and amazing review... YOU ROCK!!!!!_

_**Cheers guys, **_

_**TheGreenEyedIdiot xx**_

* * *

What was she doing?

What was she _doing?_

Elliott obviously fancied her - I mean, who didn't? - So WHAT WAS SHE DOING?

_I believe you are... how you say... being a complete and utter fuckwit?_

**Oh Christ. I thought you'd left?**

_Certainly not! Abandoning my body in it's time of need, of all things. Quite frankly, Alex, I am offended that you even entertained the-_

**That's wondeful. Really. Bugger off?**

_-notion! Ridiculous really, and another thing,-_

**Bugger off... **_**please?**_

_-I sometimes wonder if you appreciate me at all. it's just rude really, how you treat me, and-_

**WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANT?**

_Oh, right. Yes. I'm here for the 'Explain to Alex Why Speaking to Ashwell Ever is a Bad Idea' convention, do I que up over here...?_

**I know it's a bad idea, I don't need explanations.**

_I don't think I quite trust you, you see-_

**Right. That's it. I'm cutting you off.**

_You're still talking to him, even...._

As the annoying and ridiculously opinionated voice in her head faded to a pleasant background buzzing, Alex reapplied her brain to the matter at hand.

What was that?

Oh yes, Elliott.

She supposed that if the circumstances were different what she was doing could be construed as 'leading him on', but, well, it was Ashwell, wasn't it? He didn't care.

So what if she flirted with him and didn't do anything to avert his attentions? He was Ashwell and she was Burke. The circumstances _weren't _different.

The fact remained, however, that he liked her, and she did not return the sentiments in any way, shape or form.

The fact also remained that she felt some sense of guilt in doing what she was doing. Why? Was it guilt for flirting with Lisa's ex, now that she knew the girl behind the scandal?

No, no. Elliott had broken hundreds of girls' hearts.

Was it that he was a... well, not a friend, but something... something between friend and aquiantance?

Nope. in fact, she usually got to know boys _in order_ to get off with them.

Well then, was it some sort of... some sort of... misplaced... sense of... _duty_ to... to...

_No. Shut up. That is not the reason. This is NOT to do with Black._

Speak- er, _think_ of the devil, wasn't that the black hair of a certain Mr. - yes, - Black?

And wasn't it rather close to the brunette head of a certain Miss Scintha?

As in; _Rowena Scintha?_

As in the girl who had been _desperately and unshakeably in love with Elliott Ashwell for the past - _to her knowledge - _six years?_

How odd.

"Hehehehe, oh _Siri-poo!_"

Bloody hell.

Hang on, _SIRI-POO? _Only her and James called him that! No exceptions! Even Remus was forbidden!! He must set her straight. He will set her straight. Calm. Calm.

The deeper and considerably less annoying sound of Siri-poo's laughter unfortunately negated this theory as soon as it was formed. _What? What???_

Black's hair - which was, in fact, black, - had moved closer still to the brunette. Or perhaps it was the other way around - that seemed more likely. And still closer. And-

_Oh, Christ. Are they-?_

**Yup.**

_I feel vaguely sick._

Alex was, rather unfortunately, stuck. Her mindless wandering had led her to an alcove with a ledge cut quite deep into it, and there she now perched. If she was right - and she usually was - the impromptu couple were headed for this exact alcove. Meaning there would be a confrontation and a possibility of extreme tension.

Wonderful.

_Forgive me for interrupting this riveting internal monologe, but I personally believe that the there is only one thing to do in this situation._

**All right. Let's have it, you perverted creep.**

_You must make it as ridiculously awkward for both parties as possible. Look beautiful - not a problem, darling. You look ravishing today if you don't mind me saying - and flirt shamelessly. And possibly mention Ashwell - it can't hurt, can it? It will be VUNDERFUL. None shall pass!_

**Er. Yeah.**

_Brill. Let me know how it goes, yeah?_

**You bastard! You can't leave me!**

_Oho! Now who's feeling abandoned, you hypocrite?_

**Me!**

_Good point, well made._

**Help!**

_..._

**Help me!!**

_..._

**Oh, bloody hell.**

Gathering her wits, she leapt in front of the giggling pair just as they reached her.

"Oh, Siri-poo! Rowena! Lovely! How strange to see you two together! Not that Siri-poo is above you, - are you love?-" She directed this last part to Sirius with a playful wink, before turning back to Rowena, "-but.. does this mean you've given up on Ashwell? Good on you, sweetheart, if you have. He's not worth it really - and I would know! Haha, not really, he's wonderful, I love him."

She gave Rowena a brilliant smile that seemed to render her temporarily speechless, and returned her attentions to Sirius. "I hope you treat this lady right, Black," she said, mock-scolding. "I won't have you treat her like you have all those _other _girls." She gave him a meaningful look and glanced at Rowena to check that she had noticed, before smiling brightly again and turning to leave.

Rowena, however, appeared to have regained her voice. "Haha. Yeah. Well, I decided that it was time to move on to... _bigger_ things." She gave Sirius a smoldering look, and Alex a patronising one. "You let a good one slip through your fingers here, Burke." She leant towards Alex as though to give her a sisterly hug. "You steal my man, I'll steal yours... _sweetheart._"

Alex's smile became slightly frozen for an instant before she regained her wit. Returning the hug, she hissed back, "Mmm. Clever, Scintha, clever. Perhaps next time though, you could go for the _right boy?_"

With that she straightened up and gave the parting line, "I must say though, Sirius, I'm surprised you've given up so easily." His eyes widened. "I thought a Marauders' pact would mean more to you. Oh well." Waving her goodbyes she sprinted off down the corridor until she reached a small empty courtyard.

And then Alexa Burke, breaker of hearts and renowned for a perpetual good mood, slid down into a corner and sobbed.

* * *

Maggie, Alex, James and Remus were sitting at the lunch table.

"Moooony."

"Yes, James?"

"I'm really, really borrred."

"You're always bored. I'm starting to think you may have some sort of mental illness that makes you incapable of sitting still."

James stuck out his lower lip. "You blame mental illness for everything Moony. I just want some fun, Remus, that's all I want. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK, REMY? IS IT?"

Remus glanced around anxiously as Maggie and Alex laughed at James' wild hand gestures.

"All right, James," he raised his voice as he saw that the Potter was about to climb aboard the Gryffindor table. "_All right!_" James got down. "What did you have in mind?"

"Ahh, now you're talking, Mooners!" He rumpled his hair and leaned in conspiritorially. "Hogsmeade, my friend. Hogsmeade."

Maggie and Alex raised their eyebrows as one.

"What?"

"How did you time your eyebr-? Never mind. Look, girls, I know this is rather ridiculous and you'll probably not speak to me for at least a week - possibly two for you, Ally - but I need you to go away now. Please? Secret Marauder planning... about to be in progress."

Alex growled slightly. "Bugger off. I'm not going anywhere."

Maggie nodded and folded her arms. "You're going to have to physically move me. And then I'll hex you for attempting it."

James sighed, his mood gone from 'petulant-and-cheeky-child' to 'reluctant-yet-mild-mannered-adult' in a matter of seconds.

"Come on girls. Please? At leave us alone if we try and go somewhere else? I promise you'll like what we're planning...?"

Comprehension dawned in Remus' eyes and he grinned at James in approval. "Yeah. Honestly, you'll love it. It'll involve possible illegal and shady activities?"

Alex brightened immediately. "All right, that's my kind of planning! Consider yourselves free. This 'planning' better come to fruitition pretty quick though. I'm not a patient person."

Remus muttered, "That's one way of putting it," while James nodded enthusiastically,

"Yeah, yeah, course it will! Cheers Ally, love you! Maggie?"

Now that the proverbial 'biggie' had been dealt with, James' confidence seemed to have rocketed back up. Maggie however, had other ideas.

"I'm not convinced."

All three grins melted.

"Mags, come on, if it was really bad they wouldn't do it, 'cos James knows that Lily wouldn't do anything too ridiculous." Alex looked at James imploringly, who nodded and made agreeing noises.

Remus joined in. "Mags, I _promise _you you'll approve."

Then they shared one of their 'moments'. Both looking deep into the other's eyes, Maggie imploringly, Remus genuinely excited and reasurring.

Alex looked away.

_Hey, just 'cos I'm over him doesn't mean it doesn't hurt when he looks at another girl like that. There was a time when I wanted to be the girl he looked at like that..._

Nodding to herself, she returned her gaze to the group. James was looking at Maggie hopefully, while Remus and Mags seemed to have come to a telepathic understanding.

Another mental pep talk for Alex.

Maggie sighed, and James leapt to his feet. "Yes! Yes!!! I love you Mags, I rally do .You are a complete legend, you know that? YESSSSS!!!"

Maggie rolled her eyes and, looking at Alex, nodded her head towards the door. "To potions, my dear?" She mouthed, because James' celebrating was so loud she had no hope of being heard.

"Certainly." Alex mouthed back. They both picked up their bags and exchanged mimed goodbyes with Remus, before heading down to the dungeons.

"So." Alex began. "What do you recon they're planning?"

"I have no idea, but I have a very strong feeling that I'm going to dislike to the point of pain whatever it is."

Alex chuckled and patted her friend on the head. "This is why I love you Mags. Always so enthusiastic." And strode away, laughingly shaking her head.

Maggie stood in the same place for a few seconds, mouth open, gaze fixed on Alex's back.

Alex may not have noticed, but she certainly had.

Elliott was getting to her.

* * *

Two weeks later, and stil nothing had come of The Plan.

The Plan, as it had become known, was a constant but elusive annoyance to the girls, and though the Planning Sessions had become less frequent and less refered to in casual conversation, The Plan was always spoken of in either tones of great anticipation and excitement, or mock reverence and distaste, depending on gender.

"I swear Peter must get off on The Plan." Alice said grumpily, throwing her bag down in charms and slumping into a chair between Alex and Maggie. "I made one _tiny _reference to it, and he begins this HUGEMONGEOUS monologe on it, except he can never finish a sentence in case he ruins it! I think they've put a spell on him to keep his mouth shut, because there is no way Pettigrew would be able to stop himself every single bloody time he was about to give something away."

"Reinforcing the weakest link." Alex lamented. "If only they'd left him to his own devices. We could have pieced together plenty enough by now to know what this whole palava is about."

Lily appeared then, and took a seat next to Alex.

"I hate to break it to you, Ally, but I think that's the point of them putting the charm on him."

"Come on, guys, it's Halloween in two days! Think positive!"

"Maggie, the fact that even you can't get some proper enthusiasm going is a clear sign that we are screwed. The only good thing about Halloween is the food."

"Wow, Alice! That rhymed!"

"So it did, Ally! How wonderful!"

"Hey," Sirius interrupted, leaning across his desk to mutter at them. "If you fancy doing something slightly more... shall we say, _Planned_, than the Halloween celebration, why don't you pop down to the Room of Requirement the night of, around seven?"

"And if we don't?" Alice asked, though they all knew there was no question of _that_.

"Let me put this another way: You are coming to the Room of Requirement, Halloween, around seven. Don't be late."

And he leaned back to sit in his seat properly just as the lesson began.

As they walked out of charms one hour later, Alice pulled out a sheet of parchment and a quill.

"Righto, lads. We are now taking bets on the nature of The Plan. Any takers?"

* * *

_**A/N: Yay? **_

_**Methinks so.**_

_**But this isn't about me being egotistical, this about you telling me how bad I am, and slightly deflating my strangely-shaped ego.**_

_**I do actually want to know what you think The Plan is. It may or may not surprise you, and I'm not telling you why.**_

_**Ooooh, I just looove cliffies :)**_

_**Although this isn't a very good one.**_

_**I don't do cliffies.**_

_**Anyway, reading is good, favourites are better, review me and I'll love you forever!**_

_**I just made that up!! Accidentally!! How good is that?**_

_**Er, yeah.**_

_**Love, and so on,**_

_**TheGreenEyedIdiot xx**_


	10. Chapter 10 pt 1

_**A/N: Hello, my sweet ones.**_

_**Well, here we are, chapter number 10! And guess what, IT'S A TWO PARTER!**_

_**It's a crazy old world. Not only are we in double figues chapter-wise, but...**_

_**I NOW HAVE A BETA!**_

_**HURRAH!**_

_**Not only that, but a wonderful and lovely and talented beta!**_

_**I feel I have reached a milestone, physically... mentally... egotistically.**_

_**HEADOVERJONAS4LIFE!!!!**_

_**So there should be a dramtic decreas in typoes, and a dramatic increase in awesomeness from here-on in.**_

_**You lucky sods!**_

_**This is the most longest chapter I have ever written in my pathetic little life. It's amazing. AND you shall be getting the next half of the chapter very soon!**_

_**I know. It's almost too brilltastic to take in.**_

_**Anyway, to business!**_

_**Hollys Bella: **__I love you! Well, you're about to find out, aren't you?_

_**HeadoverJonas4Life: **__Do I even need to tell you how amazing you are? Yes? YOU'RE INCREDIBLE!!!_

_**mrsgrabeel92: **__Thankyou YET AGAIN. You're so lovely to keep reviewing like this :) Your need is fulfilled, I hope? For now... :P_

_**Ivy G: **__Thanks, I hope you are pleasantly surprised._

_**And thankyou sooo much to everyone who favourites as well, you're lovely. :)**_

_**You lot rule the world,**_

_**TheGreenEyedIdiot xx**_

* * *

Each one of the girls finally got to appreciate how slowly time moved when you were anticipating something the night before Halloween.

"Oh my God, it's _tomorrow?_ Where the hell did those two days go? I can't deal with this.. Maggie! The emergency chocolate!"

All of them, that is, apart from Lily.

"The _emergency_ chocolate? Lils, are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure Mags! Why wouldn't I be sure? Quickly, dear, quickly! I'm feeling faint!"

Alex climbed lazily to her feel and peered down at Lily, who was lying on her bed.

"Mmm. Better do what she says, Mags. It's looking critical."

Alice pulled out a wizarding stethoscope.

"Alice, what...?"

But Alice wasn't listening. Leaping from her own bed to Lily's, she sat down cross-legged next to the girl and peered down at her over imaginary spectacles.

"Oh dear, lord. Nurse! The screens, the screens!"

"What screens? It's chocolate or nothing, mate. Take it or leave it." Maggie replied, decidedly confused.

Alex retreated the short distance to her bed to watch Alice expertly waft the chocolate around under Lily's nose.

"Where! Who are the monkeys...?"

Alice breathed out and wiped her forehead. "She's gonna make it. Good job, everyone. Good job."

Lily was now fully alert and glaring at Alice, a piece of slightly melted chocolate still dangling from the brunette's fingers. Lily grabbed it and shoved it into her mouth.

"I can't believe it's _tomorrow_..."

"It's truly wonderful how you manage to get right back into out previous conversation after you very nearly died. I'm proud of you, Lils." Alice said, folding her stethoscope and stashing it in her trunk.

Lily merely glared. Again.

"Fun as this is, kids," Alex interjected, her tone clearly stating the reverse, "I was wondering if any of you had any final guesses as to what The Plan is. Alice?"

"Hm? Oh," she looked up from her trunk. "Nah. I'm sticking with my original theory."

"Which one?"

"Err.. the one with the gnomes."

"Sirius and Potter have not captured a herd of gnomes and trained them to ambush us, Frosty. It's just... no." Lily said, exasperated.

"I think it's highly probable." Alex cut in, backing her friend up.

Alice looked smug. "See? Ha. And Alex knows everything."

"I didn't say I agreed, I said it was highly probable. I still think they're planning on having several house elves knock us out upon entering and drag us back to their lair, where they will sap us of our knowledge and probably rape Lily and me."

Alice immediately asked why Maggie and herself were spared the rape, to which Alex promptly replied; "Maggie is too sweet. It would be the sexual equivalent of killing a bunny. And Frank would muller them if they tried it on with you."

Looking appeased if anything, Alice nodded and accepted the theory without any further ado. Maggie appeared stunned, further likening herself to a rabbit, and Lily furious.

"For the love of ALL that is holy! Listen to me: no small household creatures are going to maim us in any way, no raping will take place, and no sexual bunnies will be violated, got it?"

Maggie regained her voice suddenly. "I am _not_ a rabbit!"

Alex nodded sympathetically at Maggie - "I know exactly how you feel." - while Alice glared at Lily. "Just because your love for Jamie has narrowed your horizons, do not immediately assume we are all similarly blinded. SEE THE LIGHT, EVANS, SEE THE LIGHT!"

Lily often wondered why she spoke to her two best friends.

Lily did not often come up with a reason.

* * *

"Looking forward to tonight, ladeez?" Sirius slid onto the bench between Alex and Lily, flinging an arm around both.

Ignoring the odd sensation in her stomach that seemed to have occured around the time that Sirius had sat down, and increase as he wrapped his arm around her, Alex replied, "Yeah, I guess. It'll be a relief to know what all the hype was about, to be honest."

Lily smirked at her. "Mmm. Tell me, Sirius; are there any house elves involved in this project of yours?" She glanced triumphantly at Alex.

"What? Why do you want to know?" Both girls widened their eyes at each other.

"Er... no reason. Come on, you must be able to tell us that much?" Alex fluttered her eyelashes and smiled sweetly.

"Um. Ok.... I... yeah, there were a couple. They're to vital to The Plan. Essential, really."

Lily looked as if she was going to fall off her chair. Alex's voice went high pitched and terrified as she replied, "Oh right, well, thats all we need really. Thanks."

"Ok. Bye. Oh, and girls?"

They turned. "Yes?" Lily called back.

"Dress nicely." He smirked, "See you later."

"O...k.." Alex mouthed, before both girls turned and sprinted out of the Great hall.

* * *

"Oh. Dear. Merlin."

"I know."

"And he said-"

"I know."

"The house elves-"

"I know."

"'_Dress nicely'???_"

"I know!"

"Sadistic prat!"

"I _know."_

"You better hope he uses contraception, is all I'm going to say."

"I kno- wait, what?"

"Well, you don't want to get preggers, do you? Then you'd be screwed - if you'll forgive the pun."

"Preggers?"

"Y'know... up the pole, expecting, 'in family way', with child-"

"I know what it means, you bloody fool."

"Don't ask, then!"

"I wasn't! I was disbelievingly repeating significant parts of your speech for effect!"

"Well, you could have said that. That was a load of wasted synonyms right there!"

"Alice, I love you, but you're a complete and utter spaz."

"I know, I know. I think it's because you've come back to me, my love. I've got a shit load of pent-up wubbish littering my mind and I need an outlet. You are the nearest human being."

"I'm honoured."

"Don't mention it."

"I'm pretty sure I didn't in the first place..."

"Shh, Ally."

"Right. Yes."

"Sooo... WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU GOING TO DO?"

"I was thinking that perhaps..."

"Yes?"

"No, it wouldn't work..." Alex muttered to herself. "Where would we get the goats from?"

"All right, Ally; here is the plan; we go there,"

"Yes."

"We... call for every house elf in a ten metre radius..."

"Yes."

"And then we laugh and laugh and tell the bastards that they are failures!"

"Yes!"

"Right, what colour eyeshadow shall I wear?"

* * *

At seven o'clock on the dot, the four girls were stood outside the newly materialized door to the Room of Requirement.

"Er. I'll go first, shall I?" Maggie volunteered.

"NO! First call for house elves!" Alice cried.

"Oh yeah. Er... ahem. CALLING ALL HOUSE ELVES IN A TEN METRE RADIUS FROM THE SPOT I'M STANDING IN. GO BACK TO THE KITCHENS IMMEDIATELY. THAT MEANS NOW." A couple of faint pops were heard, and then silence.

"Merlin's culottes, it's quiet here." Maggie muttered.

"Merlin had culottes?"

"Shut up, Alex." Lily grunted.

"It's a perfectly valid point! I was unaware that one of the greatest wizards of all time owned culottes! I feel I have the right to know such things!"

Suddenly, the door opened.

"If you girls are down wittering about culottes and house elves, do you want to come in?" James' face bore a wide grin as he beconed them inside and shut the door behind them.

An audiable gasp was heard from the girls as they looked around them. The room was huge, more of a hall than a room, but the ceilings were low and draped with gauzy purple hangings. The edges of the room were littered with small tables and sofas, and one corner housed an enourmous bar, stocked, no doubt, with stolen booze. The walls were painted deep purple and black, and the whole room gave off a dark, smoky vibe.

"You'll be interested to know that the minute Sirius came in it automatically added an upstairs section, housing several bedrooms complete with locking doors." Remus joked, as he decended said stairs, located in the opposite corner to the bar.

Sirius shrugged. "I have _needs._ The minute Ally turned up you know it must have given us a couple more rooms."

Alex shrugged in imitation of Sirius. "I have _neeeeeds_." She mocked him in a high-pitched voice, causing him to frown and jut out his lower lip.

Alice seemed to be in shock. "It's awesome, guys! You're genius'!"

James looked pleased. "We've invited nigh on half the school - fifth to seventh years, anyway. They're all turning up after the feast, though. We thought you'd appreciate seeing it first."

Lily smiled broadly and leapt spontaneously onto James, hugging him tightly around the neck. "Oh james! It's great, you guys are great!" James looked a bit shocked, but eagerly returned the hug, pressing his face into Lily's hair.

Maggie had leapt upon Remus, and Alice was locked in deep conversation with Peter, so Alex had no choice but to approach Sirius.

"Not bad, Black." She grinned.

"Thankyou, Burke."

"You did a good job."

"I've been known to do that quite often. Why is it that people always seem so shocked?"

Alex laughed and took another step towards him. "I have no idea, Siri-poo. Perhaps because their poor brains are unable to comprehend the thought of Sirius Black ever caring about anything?"

Her brain was screaming _DANGEROUS!!! STEP BACK, STEP BACK!!! _at her, but she was disinclined to listen at this point. The fact that her hand was brushing his thigh was making it a bit harder to concentrate than would necessarily be expected.

"That's a shame." He replied lightly. "There are several things I care about a great deal. It would be a shame to miss out on them simply because people didn't believe me capable of caring."

Something told her they weren't talking about the party any more.

"Really? That's interesting. Care to share?"

Sirius gave her a sharp look, but her gaze remained politely interested and amused. Nothing more or less.

"Well, for example, there are several... people that I-"

"All right, Ally-pally?"

Alex turned sharply, coming face-to-face with Elliott. Remus stood behind him, gesturing helplessly that he had no idea how the boy had gotten in.

Alice whipered audiably to Lily, "Bloody hell. There is nothing you could sdo to make me wish I was Alex at this exact moment."

"What?" Lily replied, bewildered.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Well, obviously Sirius is madly in love with her, and she seems to return the feelings on some level, Ashwell has a raging crush on her, and seems to _think_ that she returns the feelings, and Remy, as you know, has been unrequitedly in love with her for _ever_, he's only just started to get over it. And now they've formed a layer around her and she has no means of escape! Oh, Lils, we should do something."

"Well, why don't you?"

"Are you kidding? This is far too funny for me to simply swoop in there like a gigantic bat and rescue her! Good Merlin, Lils, have you learnt nothing from me?"

Lily shook her head, Alice chuckled, Peter smirked at Alex's predicament, and Maggie blinked back tears.

Meanwhile, Alex was slightly panicked. Which way to turn? Oh, Merlin's baggiest culottes!

"...thought I'd come early. Help set up, you know. I hope that isn't a problem?"

"'Course it isn't, is it Pads? Pads?"

"You could have said." Sirius growled his words.

Elliott laughed easily, "Oh, sorry, the thought didn't cross my mind. I just sort assumed that since Ally was going to be here..." He looked Sirius dead in the eye. "Well, we're so close... I didn't think it'd be a problem."

"Of course it isn't a problem, we'd love the help. Sirius, why don't you go help Prongs upstairs? Elliott can help Peter behind the bar."

Sirius gave Elliott one last glare before nodding stiffly at Remus and disappearing upstairs. Elliott smirked at Sirius' retreating back, smiled at Alex, and moved to the bar with Peter trailing after him.

"Oh, Remus, thank you sooo much! I thought I was going to melt! Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

Remus blushed slightly and accepted Alex's hug, before muttering that 'it was nothing' and 'should check on Sirius'.

Maggie watched Remus walk up the stairs before approaching Peter.

"Petey, give me a firewhiskey."

"You sure, Mags? We haven't even started yet."

"Oh, it's started, Pete. And I'm going to be needing that firewhiskey if I want to finish it."

Peter, completely bewildered, decided it would probably be best just to give her the firewhiskey.

* * *

"Sirius! Siri-poo! Padffffoot..."

"'Ello, Ally."

"Ahehehe... Ello.. Ally... that sounds silly. Brilllllltastic par-tay, Siri-poo!" Alex collapsed into Sirius' arms.

"You, my dear, are pish... pisshhe.. pished! You're pished!" Sirius slurred triumphantly.

"Fished? Fish? What have fish to do with this?"

"I'm not sure..."

"Mmm. Siri-poo?"

"Yes?"

"I can't feel my legs."

"Oh. Do you want me to carry you?"

"Mm.. oops! Sorry, Elliott, that probably won't stain, don't worryyy.."

"Is everything alright, Ally? Black?"

"Shh, Ellie! Sirius is carrying me upstairs."

"What-?"

"Not now, Ellie! Come on, Siri-poo, up!"

As Sirius carried Alex slowly up the stairs, Alex watched him intently. She wasn't quite as drunk as she seemed, and something was bothering him.

"Siri-p... Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"I... I'm sorry."

"I know you are."

"I love you, you know."

"You're drunk, Ally."

"So are you."

"What's your point?"

"I... I don't know. But Siri... Padfoot... I do love you... maybe not as much as you love me... but I do!"

"Alex, stop it."

"Hmph. Fine. I'm getting down."

To her surprise, Sirius didn't protest. His arms went limp and his eyes glazed as he stared down at her. "See you, Ally."

"Bye... Sirius..."

"Why did you say you loved him?"

"Elliott?"

"Why? You don't love him. Why did you say that?"

"Because... because I do, Elliott." Suddenly she wasn't drunk at all. Something in Elliott's tone of voice sent shivers down her spine.

Possessive... dangerous.

"No. You don't. You don't love him."

It was an order.

"Don't tell me what I do and don't do!" Her speech was confused, but the anger was clear.

"You don't love him. You love me."

"I- what? What? Of course I don't love you! Why would you think that?"

"You love me, Ally... Alex... _Alexa."_

"No, I don't."

"Yes you do. So you shouldn't lie to Black like that." His eyes flashed. "Tell him you hate him!"

"But I don't!"

"Tell. Him. You. Hate. Him." He pulled out his wand.

Alex breathed out. Finally.

"That isn't a good idea, Ashwell."

"Tell him!"

"No."

"Imper-!"

"Stupefy!"

Alex shot out her spell before Elliott had even finished his, the alcohol in her bloodstream barely affecting her reaction time. As she watched the light go out of Elliott eyes as in slow motion, Alex thought about what had just happened. She had been in real trouble. If she hadn't been so ridiculously good with a wand there was no way she would have got out of that unscathed.

She slid down the wall and put her head in one hand, adrenaline pumping belatedly around her system. The other hand closed around a half-empty bottle of firewhiskey. She loved Sirius. She did. Not properly. Not even half as much as he liked her, but she did.

_Well, Burke, we have two options._

**Go on.**

_1. Tell Sirius._

**Er.**

_Alright, 2. Shag the nearest human and hope to get it out of our system?_

**Er...**

Right at that moment the sound of Rowena Scintha's loud laughter drifted over the crowd towards her. Sirius and Rowena were locked in a passionate embrace, Sirius having apparently just whispered something into the brunette's ear, which caused the giggling.

Her stomach dropped.

_Two it is, then._

* * *

_**A/N: Sorry to stop there! But it was so bloody LONG.**_

_**Next half will will be primarily in Remus' and James' POV's, so we have variety :)**_

_**If you like it and can't wait for the next part, tell me!**_

_**And if you hate it and want me to go far, far away, with all writing implements in a ten-mile radius of me locked safely away, then tell me!**_

_**You can't tell me I don't welcome criticism, now can you? :P**_

_**Drink up me hearties, yo ho!**_

_**TheGreenEyedIdiot xx**_


	11. Chapter 10 pt 2

_**A/N: Ello loves!**_

_**That wasn't particuarly fast, was it?**_

_**Er... sorry?**_

_**So here it is, Chapter 10 part 2. The rest of the party. The first and only parts I've done in another character's POV. Bit angsty. Bit of sexy business.**_

_**Sounds good, doesn't it?**_

_**NeverQuitDreaming: **Good, good, that's good. Keep reading!_

_**Ivy G.:** I know exactly how you feel. I tried to pull it off. but Sirius screamed at me. And really, how you deny that gorgeous face anything? :P_

_**Hollys Bella: **Cheers! I'll stay just for you :) No, should I? And I agree, they are absolutely PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER. I want to slap them._

_**MissCharstar: **Thanks! Keep going, keep going, it gets even better!_

_**mrsgrabeel92: **Yep. ANOTHER ONE. I spoil you kids, don't I? I know. Even I'm surprised how much of a bastard he turned out to be. it's the alcohol, it does things :P You're welcome for the replies, I enjoy doing it! We have a kind of two-way thing here, don't we? Heh. Hope you enjoy this._

_**knoukoy: **He is, isn't he? *drools*. This wasn't particuarly fast... but IT WASN'T SLOW. Which mena we pretty much met in the middle. Hurrah!_

**_I am quite literally blown away by the amount of reviews I got for this chapter, thanks guys! _**

**_*is a slight attention-whore*_**

**_Fanks,_**

**_TheGreenEyedIdiot xx_**

* * *

Remus watched Maggie down her fourth - that he knew of - firewhiskey.

"Look, love, shouldn't you stop now? You've had-"

Her eyes flashed dangerously. "Shut up, Lupin."

Remus blinked. _She's drunk. She doesn't mean it._

"Mags?" He tried, carefully.

Maggie looked into his cautious brown eyes for a second before her own teared up. "Oh Remus, I'm sorry. I'm so drunk."

He smiled, "You don't sound it too bad."

Maggie shrugged. "What can I say? I'm half French. I hold me alcohol well." She grinned. "So do you, by the looks of things."

Remus winked. "Lots of practice."

She smiled and sighed. He was perfect.

He was perfect, and she was... average.

Alex, now that was perfection.

But him and Alex shouldn't be together! Why should Alex get everything she wanted? Remus was the only thing she ever wanted from her, and she couldn't have him!

Remus watched as the soft light in the brunette's eyes grew harder, until her deep blue eyes were like flat stone swirls.

"Maggie, are you alright?"

She turned the hard eyes upon him. "No Remus, I'm not."

Slightly taken aback by the sudden change of mood, Remus stayed silent.

"Do you want to know _why_, Lupin?"

"'Course I do, Mags."

"Because every time I think I've come close, she swans in and steals you away. Because with one toss of her _perfect_ blonde curls, or one glance from those _perfect_, _purple_ eyes, and you're reduced to a pile of quivering goo! She isn't that special, Remus. Looks, first impressions aren't everything. I thought you of all people would know that."

Remus' eyes, previously widened by her accusations, winced at her less-than-subtle allusion to his... condition.

"Remus." She continued in a softer voice, "If ever I loved one person, it would be you. But I'm not about to go wasting my efforts on a lost cause. I just wish that you'd make the same decision. I love you Rem, I really do. She doesn't. Remember that."

Remus blinked.

"If this is what you want, Moony, I'm happy for you. I'll always be happy for you."

She watched him for some flicker of pain, or recognition, but was greeted by nothingness.

"All right." She smiled sadly. "I hope you have a nice life, Remus. See you on the other side." Then she leant up and kissed him softly on the cheek. "Bye, Wolf-boy."

As she walked away into the crowd Remus woke up. "Bye...Clarke. Margeret Clarke. Maggie. Mags, Mags, Maggie... Marge... my phoenix." He smiled gently and sighed at the old name. He thought back to third year, the year before Alex came, the year before he and Maggie got complicated.

He and Maggie were in an old disused classroom. They had been practicing patronuses - purely for fun, as neither could coax more than a white wisp from their wands.

He recalled how Maggie had complained how she had no memories happy enough. He had thought fpr a bit and then, for reasons unknown even to himself, had hesitantly leant down and kissed her. It had been quick and chaste, a peck, not a kiss, but it had happened.

And Maggie had pulled out her wand with a gigantic smile on her face. Never taking her eyes off him, she had whispered the spell.

And out of the tip had burst a gigantic white phoenix, more beautiful even than Dumbledore's Fawkes, or that had been his opinion anyway. It had flown around her, then around him, and then melted away into thin air.

He hadn't used the name since the day Alexa Burke had come to Hogwarts.

And he wasn't upset. He didn't feel guilty. He didn't feel a mite of regret. He felt... peaceful. Properly peaceful.

It had been a while.

* * *

It had been... well, not the worst night of his life, he had to reserve that for the times he had to watch Remus transform.

Ouch.

Where was he? Oh yeah, not the worst night, but definately right up there.

Alex had disappeared upstairs with the Hufflepuff seeker about half an hour ago, Sirius was 'occupied' with Rowena, Peter was with Chloe, Alice with Frank, Maggie was nowhere to be found, Remus appeared to be in a drunken stupor, and Lily... he sighed as he turned back towards the red-head at the bar... With her arms around Mark Higgs - one of Amos Diggory's entourage. The sigh turned to a growl half way through.

Higgs' hand was currently running a line from his Lily's - no, not 'his Lily's' - waist, to her hip, to her-

_Oh, hell no._

Growling again, he pushed his way towards the couple. Up close it was evident that Lily was in no fit state to preserve her modesty, so James, in a fit of gallantry (not jealousy, of course), pushed right up to them and bore down on Mark.

"Higgs."

The boy looked up, clearly irritated at being interrupted, before seeing who it was.

"Oh, er... Hey Potter. Cool party, mate."

"It is, isn't it?"

"Er..."

"It would be a shame for me to have to kick you out for trying to take advantage of Evans, wouldn't it?"

"Look, mate, I'm sorry, she wanted to-" He started,

"No, you look, _mate_, you can see as well as I can that she has no idea what's going on, so how the hell would you know what she _wants_? Or not, as I suspect the case may be?"

"I'll.. er, I'll be going, shall I?"

"Good idea."

He left.

"Lils?"

"Ja- Jamesy? Is that you? Ohhh, where did Mark go?" James' eyebrows raised. Did she actually like the bugger? Well, she could go get him herself, then. "James, did you get rid of him for me? Oh, thank you James, fank you so much! I didn't know what to... what to do!"

James grinned. Who cared if she wouldn't remember this in the morning? _He _felt good about it.

"Yeah, yeah I did."

"James... you're a nice person, James!" She slurred cheerfully,

"Cheers, Lils."

"You're a nice person. A good one... a good one of... a good person. I like you lots. You're a really nice friend." The cheeriness was slipping, but James' grin widened. He could tell she was trying not to stumble over her words, and it meant a lot to him.

"So are you Lils. You're lovely."

"N-no, I'm not." She shook her head furiously, no hint of her previous good mood left in her blurry voice, "I'm being mean to you, Jimmy-Jams... I'm being mean... to you... you're a nice person, you shouldn't have people being mean!"

James was completely flummoxed. "What, Lily? What do you mean?"

Lily sighed. "I dunno Jamesy. You're nice. I don't... hate you.. I like you!"

James nodded. "So you've said. Lils, I'm gonna carry you upstairs now, ok?"

"'K. I'm bit sleepy..."

"Righto."

James laid Lily on one of the beds in one of the nicer rooms. It sprouted a bathroom as they entered.

"G'night, Lily-kins. Sleep tight."

"Night Jamesy. Fanks."

"Don't mention it."

Lily muttered her reply to her pillow, but before James could even ask what she had said, she was fast asleep.

He grinned. Tonight, if not one of his best nights, was right up there.

* * *

He was average, she decided.

Average hair, average nose, average eyes, average sense of humour... even his _name_ was average.

Sam Green, for Merlin's sake.

He was blonde, but not overly so, blueish eyes, fairly good sense of humour, followed Quidditch like a religion (as per every boy in the wizarding world), played it fairly well, - well, he was Hufflepuff's seeker, wasn't he? You'd hope for a bit of talent. - features neither too big, nor too small.

Oh, she was sure he had a pretty substantial track record - he must be sought after, if only for his mediocre-ness, - and any girl would be happy to date him, he just...

_Isn't Black?_

**Shut up.**

But it was true. He wasn't.

She was lying on her back on a bed in one of the rooms, waiting for him to finish.

Plan 2 wasn't working.

Maybe she should have chosen someone more exciting, but really, who was there? This was _Sirius Black_ she was pitting the poor boy against.

Well, there was always Elliott...

No, no there wasn't. Definately not him.

Sam climbed off her.

"Wow." He smiled down at her. "I get it now."

"Get what?" She asked, only mildly interested. Whatever he wanted to say, it was going to be average.

"Why every boy I know wants to get in your pants."

Yep. Average as Norman the Average... average person.

She smiled up at him. "Good for you. And if anyone asks why you have a ridiculous smile on your face, you tell them Alexa Burke gave it to you."

He sniggered at the double meaning her words - as she knew he would - and sauntered out, leaving her on her own.

Very, very average.

* * *

**_A/N: OH MY GOD._**

**_That was so fun to write._**

**_Seriously. *giggle*_**

**_Serious, Sirius..._**

**_Hehe._**

**_Anyway._**

**_Is my labour appreciated? Are the fruits of my loins... tasty?_**

**_Metaphorically. Because this doesn't really have anything to do with my loins._**

**_And now you're all thinking about said loins._**

**_SORRY._**

**_Anyway, go forth, my young ones, corrupt the world!_**

**_Arrrrggghhhhh!_**

**_TheGreenEyedIdiot xx_**


	12. Chapter 11

_**A/N: Good day, fellow elves,**_

_**New chapter! Omg. Awesome. I'M SO SORRY THE GAP WAS SO ENOURMOUS!!! But chapter 12 has been written! Never fear!**_

_**This is the morning after, and it's quite short, but MASSIVELY AMAZING AND COOL.**_

_**OH MY GOD, GUYS!!! I'm sorry, but I have a bone to pick with you lot.**_

_**Guess how many reviews I got last chapter?**_

_**Go on. Take a wild guess.**_

_**Two. TWO. BLOODY. REVIEWS. (And thankyou very much to knoukoy and mrsgrabeel92, by the way :D)**_

_**So I have devised a cunning plan to generate reviews. At the bottom is a small piece of chapter 12, hopefully it will inspire a bit of excitement :P**_

_**HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.**_

_**I can't even believe I'm resorting to blackmail. Well, anyway, this chapter will probably annoy you a bit if you're an Alex/Sirius fan *looks meaningfully at everyone*, but, I swear, it won't last forever!**_

_**Love,**_

_**TheGreenEyedIdiot xx**_

Alex groaned and attempted, for the fourth time, to lift her head from the unknown surface upon which it rested.

"Uhgggnnn... oof!" Her bleary eyes cracked open as her splitting head finally won the battle against gravity.

"Huh. Stairs." She murmured, interestedly, gazing down at said flight of steps.

A quiet moan from the floor next to her alerted her blurry head to the fact that she was not alone. Peering down at the steps below her she caught sight of Ludo Bagman, face mushed into the wall, clutching a half full bottle of firewhiskey.

She grinned at the sight, before clutching her head at the renewed pain in her temples. Reaching sluggishly for her wand, she muttered a soft charm which cleared her vision and muted the throbbing of her head, and climbed to her feet.

Now fully erect, she could properly ascertain her position. Staggering down a few steps, she deftly scooped up Bagman's firewhiskey and swallowed a mouthful quickly. "You'll be thanking me later, mate." She spoke to his unmoving back, and proceded to talk to herself the rest of the way down the stairs. "Should get a bloody medal, caring for the community and all that."

Reaching the bottom of the stairs with only a few minor obstacles - in the form of an unconscious Mark Higgs and a grumbling Helen Brown - Alex looked around amusedly at the state of the room.

Couples lay entwined on sofas and tables, arms and legs drooping towards the floor where the room had neglected to extend the furniture to an appropriate size, human-shaped blobs littered the floor, spread out in some areas, packed close together in others. A few were staggering about dazedly, as she was, clutching throbbing temples or rubbing sore eyes. Smashed and empty bottles were clutched in numb hands, or filling the sparse gaps were no bodies lay. Looking towards the bar she laughed out loud at the sight of Alice passed out, face down, along it's surface and Frank hanging over it, his head and arms dangling into the serving space, his feet resting on a bar stool.

Picking her way across the hall to the bar, she sat at one of the stools and leant her head against the small of Alice's back.

She brought Ludo's bottle up to her lips and took a long swig, wiping her lips with the back of her hand. She must look a right state.

She dug into the pocket of her impossibly short skirt, and pulled out a small mirror. Flipping it open, she glanced at her reflection.

Bloody hell.

Her hair, usually wild, was completely mental. The curls were knotted and stinking of smoke, booze and sex.

She noticed that they were, for some reason, also threaded with feathers.

_Huh. Alright then._

Her thick black eyeliner and eyeshadow had melted down her face into a pair of rather spectacular panda rings, and her lipstick was hopelessly smudged around her mouth.

_And still looking good..._

Taking another swig of the stolen firewhiskey that seemed to be taking the place of breakfast, she put a hand up to feel her hair.

_Shower._ She thought, decidedly. _Definately gonna need a shower._

Unsteadily getting to her feet, she stumbled back up the stairs and into the labirynth of corridors that seemed to have sprung up in the night.

Wandering into it, she wondered idly what was going on behind those doors. Were the occupants waking up, looking beside them and seeing... what? What would they see? Would they be horrified, elated, disappointed... would there even be anyone next to them?

Alex, for all her experience, had never had that feeling. She had never looked beside her and seen another face, because she made sure that she didn't.

_Fun for the night, leave before light._

She had often wondered what would happen if she stayed.

Probably wouldn't get half as much action, that was what would happen.

Take yesterday, for example; once Green had left, she had got dressed, gone back downstairs, and repeated the procedure with another, even less memorable face.

She wasn't sure if the boy himself had simply been extraordinarily dull, or it the alcohol had smudged her memories beyond recognition, but it didn't matter either way.

He would remember that night, and she wouldn't. He would wake up, turn over, and... nothing. He'd be disappointed at first, and then he'd get over it and move on. She would - and had - wake up in some unrecognisable place, clear her headache, drink some more, and go about her business.

_No strings, no attachments, no regrets._

Stopping outside a likely-looking door, she pressed her ear against the wood and knocked.

Nothing.

Opening the door a crack, she peered inside.

And her blood turned to ice.

It was Sirius.

And he wasn't alone.

_Well _of course _he isn't bloody alone, it's Sirius Black._

**Thankyou, Oh Queen of Observancy.**

_No need for sarcasm, I'm just trying to promote rationality._

**Yes, and by doing so you're hurting my brain. So stop.**

_Look, just because you have no exact reason for being devastated beyond belief and I just stole your only excuse - that you're shocked - there is no reason to go all hostile on me. I'm a fragile creature!_

**Don't even bother. You can't pull it off.**

_Oh, alright, but you may want to shut the door, because Siri-poo has been staring at you for the past five seconds and you're starting to look like an imbecile._

Alex didn't even have time to answer her internal self, because she had just realised that she was, in fact, telling herself the truth. (A/N: Read it slowly, think about it, read it again :P)

Sirius' bleary grey eyes were fixed on her own violet pair, a slow, startled expression on his handsome face. A hand jumped to his hair, his fingers running through it as he started to croak. "A-Ally? Oof, me head..." As both hands slipped up to cradle said head, Alex's knee-jerk reactions seemed to return from their brief holiday and she whipped back and slammed the door.

She leant against it and breathed heavily for a second, earning a confused glance from a passing fifth year ravenclaw girl.

"Definately not the shower..." She said, by way of explanation. The ravenclaw nodded sympathetically and carried on.

Just then, a door squeezed into being directly opposite. Tentatively pulling open the door Alex found a large, luxurious bathroom, fully stocked with fluffy white towels. She sighed in exasperation. "Yeah, you're being helpful _now_."

* * *

Alex sighed contentedly as she stepped out of the shower. Whoever said 'Cleanliness is Godliness' was definately on to something.

She wondered vaguely how the party had treated her friends. Alice and Frank were accounted for, but she did wonder if the combination of alcohol and good will to all men and so on had caused Remus and Maggie to finally get it together. Her heart clenched uncomfortably at the thought.

Moving swiftly onwards...

What about Siri-? Oh. Never mind.

She quickly set her mind off on yet another track before the memory of Sirius and Rowena in bed together could properly invade her senses.

Hmm.

What about... Peter! Peter was a nice, uncontroversial subject.

Nice... dull subject.

Jim-Jams and Lily-kins! How could she forget?

Very easily, apparently.

Come to think of it, she hadn't seen either of them at all after she made it downstairs for the second time that evening, and she was pretty sure that her and nameless boy hadn't taken _that_ long over it...

Curious.

Sniffing last night's clothes gingerly, she shrugged and slipped them back on. They'd do 'til she got to her dormitory.

After dressing, she impatiently rubbed her smudged makeup off and glared at her reflection critically. She hated mornings.

_Strip all the romance out of the world. Sigh._

And _why_ did she still look good? Was she physically incapable of being ugly? Why was it so difficult for her to be normal? Was there something wrong with her inbred-retard genes? Aside from the obvious, of course...

She scowled prettily at herself.

_What a bitch._

**I know.**

_Mmmm. Imagine being her, wouldn't you kill for that skin?_

**...How can we share a brain? How?**

* * *

Sirius groaned and sat up on his elbows. _Dear _Alexa, apparently not content with waking him up at some ungodly hour, had proceeded to slam the door _very, very _loudly, and then go on to take a _very, very _loud shower.

Ow. Bloody ow.

He glanced down at the pretty brunette next to him, and sighed in relief to discover that it was, in fact, his girlfriend.

Close one, that.

He then lifted the sheets slightly to check that- yep, they were naked.

A wolfish grin spread across his face as disjointed memories of last night drifted back into his consciousness.

Ahh, Rowena.

His grin broadened as the girl in question shifted slightly in her sleep and moaned quietly, and he brought his hand up to cup her face.

Wow. Was it even possible for someone to look evil while they slept?

Apparently so.

Well, she was fit. That's what mattered.

His hand skimmed lightly over her jawline and neck, before curving over her shoulder, sloping to her slim waist, feathering over her hip and back up again. Rowena's eyes fluttered slightly and she moaned again. "Mmm... Sirius?" His smile stretched to epic proportions as he pressed one large hand over her restless eyes and the other continued it's slow exploration. Rowena cracked a smile and shuffled closer on the bed, putting one arm around his broad, Quidditch-muscled shoulders.

Sirius abruptly removed his hand from where it had been tracing light circles on the backs of her thighs, pressed it to the side of her face, and planted a slow kiss on her smiling mouth.

"Morning, love."

"Mm.. _good_ morning." Her voice was scatchy.

Sirius laughed and hopped out of bed quickly. A strange snuffling sound came from the cupboard, but was ignored. Rowena, blinking at the sudden removal of hands from her eyes and face, raised her eyebrows questioningly.

Sirius, who was pulling on last night's jeans, shrugged. "Man's gotta shower, babe."

Rowena's eyes lit up at this, and she slipped out of bed and towards him. The snuffling came again.

"Will this man be requiring a... helping hand... or two... in the shower?" She gave him a coy look from under her eyelashes, which, Sirius imagined, would probably be rather difficult to pull off, considering the fact that she was naked.

His eyes widened and the wolfish grin returned.

"You know, I rather think he _will_."

Sirius held out his hand, Rowena took it, and they walked together towards the door that had just materialized on the other side of the room.

* * *

Alex threw herself out of the door, breathing heavily. Her eyes were wide and terrified as she crossed herself and muttered a short, barely distiguishable prayer.

Well, now seemed as good a time as any to become religious.

"...Baby Jesus... preserve my sanity and eyesight... acts of sin... Mary, mother of God..."

Slumping down the wall so that she was nearly flat on the ground, she ran through the events leading up to her current state.

_Well, lets see... shower, ridded self of inexplicable feathery business, stepped out, had rant at self, got dressed, came outside, narrowly avoided Green with the aid of very compliant room of requirement when it provided this door, found self in Sirius and Rowena's room, possibly in the wardrobe, witnessed incomprehensible horrors, culminating in a half-naked Padfoot and his starkers lady friend going off to have wild and experimental shower-sex. Have I missed anything? Oh yeah, saw Padfoot in his birthday suit and had to shove fist in mouth to prevent self from screaming._

**It's been an eventful morning.**

_Well, at least we've extended our knowledge this morning._

**What, to include the exact size and proportions of Sirius Black's... um.. **_**appendage?**_

_Wha-? Oh, right, well, not exactly - though it's more like _he's_ the appendage and his bits are the main article, I mean, did you _see_-?_

**Yes, yes, we were all there.**

_Right, well, other than that rather common knowledge, we do now know what happens if you hang around 'til morning._

Alex maintains to this day that it is impossible for your own brain to beat you in a fight.

* * *

_**A/N: Hola, chicas! (Not implying that you're all girls or anything, but it has a nice ring to it)**_

_**Wowzee and wow.**_

_**How about that? Eh? Eh? I'm really sorry about the length, I am. I just... I'm going through a creative dry patch here, people. You have only my beta to thank for this chaper being here at all :P**_

_**Ok, so, to encourage you, here is the promised short extract from the next chapter!**_

_With all her talk of being 'mentally scarred' and having 'no faith left in the discretion of the human race', she was slowly having to face the fact that she... well, she _was_ jealous._

_Yep, that's right. Alex, Alexa Burke, was jealous._

_And it wasn't just that he was unavailable, and it wasn't just that she'd had to watch him running his hands all over her arch-enemy. _

_Hell, it wasn't even that he was... er, _well endowed _- and she would know._

_It was something... more. Something entirely foreign and confusing. The closest she'd felt to it was when she saw Remus and Maggie together, but even that was a vague shadow of what she felt now._

_Alexa Burke was jealous, but she'd be damned before she let anyone know about it._

_**Sooo...? Excited yet? I know it's short, but it's a hell of a big step for Ally-pally, no?**_

_**If you like, REVIEW! If you don't, REVIEW!**_

_**YAY FOR REVIEWS!!!!**_

_**I love you all dearly,**_

_**TheGreenEyedIdiot xx**_


	13. Chapter 12

**_A/N: Sup, kids._**

**_Soo... how did we like the last chapter, eh? Exciting?_**

**_I know._**

**_BUT THIS CHAPTER IS EVEN BETTER._**

**_ish._**

**_Seriously; it's awesome. I'm sooooo excited :)_**

_**Hollys Bella: **I know - if you liked that you're gonna love this._

_**MissCharstar: **NO ONE! :D_

_**knoukoy: **Ahh, you are wise. Loads of people are saying that, I'm gonna take it that you guys like the talking-to-herself thing?_

**_Enjoys, peeps._**

**_TheGreenEyedIdiot xx_**

* * *

Alex looked glumly out of the window. One week since the party, and counting.

She had doubted it would be possible for Rowena'n'Sirius to get any more annoying than they already were, but they had.

A lot.

Rowena now sat with them at every meal, hung out with them in free periods, and even tried to make casual conversation with the girls when Sirius wasn't there.

For Christ's sake, didn't the girl have her own friends?

Er... never mind.

Speak of the devil...

She watched disinterestedly as a brunette head bobbed out of the doors and onto the grounds, then run back to the doorways, struggle for a moment, and reappear with a black haired boy in tow.

No prizes for guessing who that boy was.

She felt trapped, like she was under the influence of the body-bind curse, gazing transfixed down at the horrific scene below her.

"Ugh." She murmured, the sight of the sickeningly loved-up couple making her feel rather nauseous, but still unable to move.

She didn't know how long she stayed like that, standing in the transfiguration corridor by the window being helplessly masochistic, but she did know that when she finally surfaced the light was fading outside and the couple were nowhere in sight.

She shook her head angrily and then banged it against the windowframe. Clutching her forehead in agony she muttered frustratedly to herself. "Burke, you really are the most ridiculous, masochistic, irrational, selfish idiot you have ever met."

"Not an idiot, surely."

Drawing in a sharp breath Alex turned towards the speaker. She knew that voice...

"Ell- Ashwell."

"Elliot darling, surely, after all we've been through?" He sounded tired and beaten, as though he realised there was no point in trying to keep up a polite facade.

"Elliot, then. What do you want?"

"Can't one friend speak to another friend without having an ulterior motive?" He smiled limply, his attempt at wit half-hearted.

"I'd hardly call _this_-" she gestured between them, "-friendship, Elliot. So I'll ask again; what do you want?"

"Alex," his tone was begging, apparently deciding suddenly to drop all pretenses and simply tell her what he wanted, "Alex, I'm so, so sorry, I really am. I can't begin to tell you how much I regret what happened between us, what I said-"

"Me neither, mate, so I guess you're in luck. Goodbye." She turned to leave, her thoughts only on returning to the Gryffindor common room and getting drunk or finding someone to pull. Anything to get her mind off-

Elliot grabbed her arm, preventing her from leaving. She stared at his hand, then at his face. He dropped his arm immediately.

"I'm sorry, Ally- I mean, Alex. I just... hear me out, ok?"

She crossed her arms. "Thirty seconds, Ashwell. I'm counting."

He smiled ruefully, "I don't doubt it."

"Twenty six seconds."

"Ok, ok, right, well I just wanted to say I'm sorry-"

"Which you have, lovely, are you done?"

"And," he continued desperately, "I was wondering if you'd consider, possibly, maybe, giving me another chance? Just as friends, you understand, nothing else," He added, after seeing her look of disbelief. "I really like you Alex, I'd rather have you as a friend than nothing."

She wanted to cry. She wanted to scream. She wanted to curl up in his arms and have him tell her what she wanted to hear. She wanted to pull his hair out, she wanted to pull her _own_ hair out, she wanted to run far, far away and never come back, but most of all... most of all, she wanted to get that damn image of Sirius and Rowena out of her mind.

However, she didn't have any of those options here, so she settled for merely looking him dead in the eye, running her hand from his temple to his jaw, smiling sweetly and shooting out a venomous, "No." before running off down the corridor, bowling over first years like skittles as she went.

* * *

Remus was sitting by the fire, finishing up a charm essay when a fuming Alex barreled in through the portrait hole. Spotting him, she smoothed down her jumper and made her way over to his chair, her clenched fists and furious eyes the only remaining signs of her distress.

"Alex?" he began cautiously, an angry Alex was like an unexploded bomb... one wrong move and-

"I hate him! I fucking _hate_ him! How dare he ask to be friends? For christ's sake, is he honestly as much of an idiot as he looks? How does he not know? How can he see me every day and not know? And how can he still be going out with that... with that... ugh, I can't even find the words to describe her!"

Remus, deciding that it was probably best if he let her rant for a bit, did nothing but nod understandingly.

"And I even told him at the party! I said, 'I don't love you, I love _him!'_ And he was all 'No, you love me!' and I don't Remus, I just don't! And then _he _didn't believe me and I told him too! And he said I was drunk and I was - but so was he! And he asked me why it should change things but it should because he said he loved me by the tree and if he did then he should have said 'cause he was drunk and that's what you _do_ when you're drunk... y'know?"

Having followed enough of her speech to have gathered that she was probably talking about two separate people at the same time, Remus chanced a quick question.

"Do they know about all this? How you feel, I mean?"

She snorted. "Well, if Ashwell doesn't know by now then I'm seriously worried about his sanity - not that he was 'all there' to begin with."

Well, that cleared a bit up. Hopefully Elliot was the one she hated, not the one she-

"And Black, well, he's just a complete imbecile, isn't he? Never has a clue about anything. I like him Remus, a lot. I don't love him though, which is a blessing in itself."

Ah, so it was Sirius she was after. Well, he'd known that from the beginning, hadn't he? Why was he disappointed now?

_Stupid question, Lupin._

He watched her as she pushed one hand through her tangled hair, leaving it there as she slumped her head down onto the table.

Her lower lip was jutting out slightly.

Like a petulant child.

Anger flared up inside him, how dare she still make him want her? After all that had happened?

He wondered blithely if he'd ever love someone as much as he loved the girl in front of him, the answer already ingrained into his mind from the moment he'd met her.

_Of course you won't. She's your soul mate. Just a shame you're not hers._

Suddenly feeling completely useless, Remus stood up. Alex blinked up at him in surprise.

"I, er... I'm... Well, Ally, I hope you work it out. I've got, um... stuff. Upstairs."

"But... wha-?"

"See you later!" He called as he backed away swiftly, falling into a sprint as soon as a confused Alex turned her back on him.

He barreled into his dormitory, reminding himself unwillingly of how Alex had entered the common room minutes previously.

_Smooth, Lupin. Smooth._

Alright, so it wasn't the most tactful exit he'd ever made, and he probably owed the fact that he was even able to escape largely to the fact that Alex seemed to be in a state of extreme shock, but he had no idea how he could have handled that kind of situation.

_How _does _one comfort the girl they love when the reason she'd upset is that she loves your best friend?_

Sirius. He realised, suddenly. She loved _Sirius_. Sirius Black, the notorious heart breaker. Sirius Black, his best friend. And Alexa Burke, the one girl he'd ever really wanted, the one girl _either _of them had ever really wanted. And the one girl to turn down both of them!

Not that she'd known of their feelings, but he was sure that even if she had known she wouldn't exactly have been falling at their feet.

But it was just bloody typical. Typical, because the one girl he'd loved more than any of the others had fallen for Sirius - the way every other girl eventually did. Typical because he had actually thought Alex was different, typical because he had just turned away the only other girl he could have come to love as much as Alex.

He supposed this must be pretty close to how Maggie would have felt, resigning herself to the fact that the person she loved had fallen for the school's hearthrob - who also happened to be your best friend.

He felt a pang of sympathy and guilt for the brunette. How unfeeling could he get?

Realising he had spent the last five minutes pacing, he flopped down onto his bed and charmed the hangings shut, without bothering to undress first.

As his eyelids finally fluttered closed, Remus thanked Merlin for small mercies.

* * *

Alex was annoyed. "What, I ask you, is the point," She began, slamming her bag down onto her potions desk, "of having friends?"

Alice looked up, looked mildly interested. "Friends. People you get on with, like you, you enjoy spending time with. Ringing any bells?"

Alex rolled her eyes and flopped into a seat. "I know what they are, I want to know why I bother."

"Because you love us very, very much?"

"-I mean," Alex continued as though she hadn't heard. "Theres you and Frankie - joined at the hip, Lils and Jim-jams - keep making goo-goo eyes at each other, though neither will admit to luurrving the other," she jerked her head in their direction, indicating that they were, in fact, doing precisely that, "Maggie - seems to hate me for something I appear to have done - no idea what that is, either, Petey - who we seem to be seeing less and less of, Remus - who ran out on me crying my heart out to go do "Stuff upstairs", and Sirius. Don't get me started on Sirius."

Alice dropped her head onto the desk. Any second now....

"I mean, Rowena? Really? He could get any girl in the school and he picks _Rowena?_" She paused briefly, before bursting out again, "She's so annoying. I really have no idea what he sees in her." Another brief pause. "And the way she clings to him! It clearly annoys him too. She's just pathetic, really."

The rest of this lesson was spent largely in the same fashion, Alice occasionally and half-heartedly defending Sirius and Rowena's relationship against the relentless battering of Alex's voice, and largely being ignored.

"-overall very unhealthy relationship, I think. I have no faith left in the discretion of the human race."

"Alex." Alice said loudly, causing the blonde to look up, surprised. Alice wondered if she'd forgotten she was there. "have you considered the possibility - it's _just a possibility_, Ally, - that you may be a teeny bit jealous?"

"Of course I'm not! That's just... ridiculous." Alex turned away, silent for the first time that lesson.

Jealous.

Jealous.

It wasn't the right word, she decided. Too strong and decisive. But she had to admit there was something... maybe...

**No. You are most certainly not jealous.**

_Oh, come on, Burke, face it - you wouldn't even know if you were. You could be greener than an acid pop for all you know._

**But I'm not.**

_Whatever you say..._

Shaking her head in a dismissive way, Alex muttered reassurances to herself. "No, no, definately not... don't even think about it... just disturbing couple, that's all... perfectly natural... he's good loking, is all... he's your best mate!... Well, maybe a little... NO!...."

Alice shook her head disparingly.

* * *

Lying on her bed with the door locked, the hangings drawn, and an angry Lily beating on the door yelling about a potions textbook, Alex was contemplating life. And in doing so, she had come to a few rather disturbing conclusions.

1) She had definately shagged Sam Green before - had she run out of men? Was she actually going around again? She was only in her sixth year! She had only been at this school for two years! How could this happen?

2) Lily was going to be ridiculously grumpy with her for at least a week now. The price of a bit of peace and quiet...

3) With all her talk of being 'mentally scarred' and having 'no faith left in the discretion of the human race', she was slowly having to face the fact that she... well, she _was _jealous.

Yep, that's right. Alex, Alexa Burke, was jealous.

And it wasn't just that he was unavailable, and it wasn't just that she'd had to watch him running his hands all over her arch-enemy.

Hell, it wasn't even that he was... er, _well endowed_ - and she would know.

It was something... more. Something entirely foreign and confusing. The closest she'd felt to it was when she saw Remus and Maggie together, but even that was a vague shadow of what she felt now.

Alexa Burke was jealous, but she'd be damned before she let anyone know about it.

_I hate life._

**You and me both, mate.**

* * *

**_A/N: WHAT DID I TELL YOU?????_**

**_Tell us what you liked, kids, it's much appreciated._**

**_Love you all,_**

**_TheGreenEyedIdiot xx_**


	14. Chapter 13

**_A/N: Oh my God I'm sorry for the wait! You've been so wonderful and patient and wonderful!_**

**_I love you!_**

**_*Kisses*_**

**_Anyway,_**

_**Knoukoy; **Thanks, you got it; more of the squishy Remus stuff :)_

_**mrsgrabeel92: **Thanks - as always. Good choice of song.. bit scarily appropriate here :)_

**_Thanks to everyone who favourited - LONG LIVE FAVOURITISM_**

**_Cheers,_**

**_TheGreenEyedIdiot xx_**

It was the morning of the fifth of November by the time Lily had forgiven Alex for locking her out of their room, - "Detention, Alexa! _Detention! I_ got bloody detention! I'm a prefect! Prefects do not get detention! - and the blonde in question was just in the middle of a very pleasant dream about forcing a cauldron onto Rowena's head in the middle of potions, before being brutally shocking from dreamland by a high-pitched squeek and a murderous blow to the side of the head.

"Oops! Sorry Ally! But it's your fault for being in bed so late - it's nearly nine!"

Alex, who had been about to get up and inquire as to why she was being so brutally awakened on a saturday, simply rolled over and groaned at the time.

"Lily, I like you quite a lot. Please don't make me set fire to your head."

Lily laughed in a carefree manner and, judging from the flash of red through Alex's half-close eyes, tossed her head happily.

"C'_mon_, Al! You're the last one in bed! Even the boys are awake, and you of all people know how hard it is to get Sirius and James up on a weekend. Alex's eyes opened involutarily as she stared, awestruck, at the force that be Lily Evans.

"You got," She started, quietly, "James Potter and Sirius Black, out of bed, before noon, on a weekend, when there are no Quidditch-related happenings to speak of?"

Lily simply smiled a very self-satisfied smile.

"H-_how?_"

The redhead tapped her nose. "That's for me to know and the boys to never speak of again, if they want anyone to sleep with them like.. ever."

It's fair to say that Alex got out of bed rather swiftly after that.

Fifteen very sluggish minutes later, the entire group - minus Rowena and Frank - were gathered downstairs by the fire.

"All right, devil woman, what is this about?" Sirius growled from an armchair, James nodding furiously along with him.

"Well," Lily smiled an enormous white smile, which James and Maggie shielded their eyes comically from, "I thought that the time was ripe for a group study session!"

As one, every jaw in the immediate area dropped.

Lily chuckled, "Not really, I just wanted to see what you'd say. Nothing, evidently."

"That... that was not funny Lils." Alex said weakly from her spot on the floor.

"Too right it wasn't," Alice agreed, "If you had kept that up a bit longer, Lily, I swear I would have beat the hell out of you."

Lily rolled her eyes, eyeing Alice's petite frame. "Ok, Alice, whatever, now; to business!" She then pulled her wand out of her sleeve, flicked it noiselessly, and a large, albeit slightly battered, suitcase appeared on the table. The previously rather bored air about the group was now humming with tension, because suitcases - battered or otherwise - generally contained something rather interesting.

Lily, seeming smug at the obvious attention she was now receiving, proceeded to tap each of the four locks with her wand very, _very_ slowly, and then lift the lid very _very _carefully, to reveal -

"Mirrors?"

"Bloody _mirrors_?"

"We all know Sirius likes to check his hair, but this is just getting ridicu- OW!"

"Would you shut up?" Said a very flustered Lily, who had apparently just hit James in the face. "_Yes,_ they are mirrors, but do you honestly think I would risk my bloody life to drag you down here to show you _ordinary mirrors?_"

Silence.

"No."

"Thankyou, Peter. Anyway, what we have here, my dear friends, are a shed load of _two-way_ mirrors. Well, actually, they're eight-way mirrows, but that doesn't quite have the same-"

"Eight-way mirrors? Are you serious? _Eight_ way? Like... eight people... at the same time?"

"Yes, James. I'm glad we've cleared that up for you."

Sirius, who had gradually shifted closer and closer thoughout the babble until he was kneeling next to Lily by the suitcase, proceeded to pick one of the largest up very carefully, look at it for a minute or so, then cry; "Dibs!"

Which, in turn, made world war three breaking out in the Gryffindor common room a very serious possibility.

"I want the big one!"

"No, I touched it first, ergo, my germs, ergo, MY MIRROR."-

"Reeeeeemuss, can I have the prrrrreetty one?"

"'Course you can, Ally."

"But Remus! I saw it first!"

"Why don't you play rock paper scissors for it?"

"Because Ally cheats!"

"I do not cheat! How is that even possible?"-

"Maggie! Tell James I touched that mirror first!"

"James-"

"But Alice _stole _it from me! I was just going to get it and she saw me and she _stole _it!"

"Alice-"

Ten minutes, 31 wand-brandishings, three slapped cheeks and a very disgruntled James later, they had their mirrors.

"This is just so cool. I mean... it's like, awesomely cool." Alice was muttering as she turned her mirror this way and that, before, experimentally, yelling James' name into it. The glass fogged and then cleared, this time with James' face in it.

"Hey JimJams!"

"Hey Al."

"Oh, James, do you like my new mirror? It's much bigger and shinier than yours, but don't worry; It's not the size that matters, it's what you do with it." (A/N: I know, I know, Austin Powers didn't exist then and so on. Mores the pity.)

Lily, and, to their infinite shock, Sirius, laughed at the Austin Powers reference. Alice and Lily gazed at him in shock.

"What?" He said, defensively. "I've had my share of muggle-born girls."

A general mumble of "More than your share, mate", and "You don't bloody say." was heard, before Alice announced she going to find Frank and James decided he was going back to bed. Remus, Lily and Peter went to discover some breakfast, and Sirius, Maggie and Alex stayed put. Maggie quickly immersed herself in a large book entitled; 'The Witches Way; A Guide to Advanced Keeper's Moves - For Ladies!' by Kettie Brockenfly, Sirius reclined fully along the overstuffed loveseat, his knees bent up to ensure his calves didn't dangle off the end, and Alex silently conjured a top hat and proceeded to turn it into as many different animals as she could think of, working her was through the alphabet.

* * *

Sirius watched through half-closed lids as the blonde in front of him turned the silk top hat into an aardvark and back, and contemplated silently how he could have ever seen her as just a friend, however brief the time period. The soft, warm light from the fire was contrasting oddly but beautifully against the clear, crisp autumn light that was filtering in throught the long windows, bringing out the golden-pink and silver-white tones in her hair at the same time. Her vaguely tan skin was glowing and smooth as she swished and pointed her wand at the ever changing creature in front of her, her large purple eyes fevered and bright as they always were when she got a chance to stretch herself. Her mouth was broad, like his, but while his was almost feminine in it's sensuality, hers was more romantically curved, a cupid's bow in an angel's face.

He shook his head at his own sappiness. Any more and he'd be a friggin' Potter.

But then...

Who could deny the beauty that was quite literally staring him in the face? The incredible sexiness of a witch with intellect and looks to rival or better his own was so unusual, how could he help but be drawn to it?

He sighed almost imperceptably, and Alex turned the top hat into a Grindylow and back. No, he was safer to back off. Rowena was safe. Rowena was... pretty. Rowena was bitchy and vacant and great in the sack.

Yep, Rowena was what he deserved, so Rowena was what he would get.

* * *

Alex peeked out of the corner of her eye at the dozing God that lay beside her. How could she have been so blind? Of course it would take her far too long to figure out her feelings, it was just bloody typical the way these things turned out. She couldn't believe she had never seen him as more than a friend. More than a year she'd seen him as simply 'Sirius-my-male-counterpart', or 'Sirius-my-best-mate', or 'Sirius-the-playboy'... well, maybe they hadn't changed so much, but at least now she could see him for all he was, and not just part of it. And he was gorgeous. His hair, black as his name, caught the firelight in a more alluring way than she had known possible, considering it was just hair. The long fringe fell into his deep grey eyes with a casual, reluctant elegance that recalled his heritage almost more so than any of his other features. His nose was long and aristocratric, accentuating the fine, high cheekbones and hollow cheeks, again proving his good breeding. His mouth was broad and sensual, a fact she often him boasting of to James - apparently the 'girls loved it'. Anger flared in the pit of her stomach. _Stupid bimbos with their stupid no-brains and their stupid inflatable tits. _In fact, his mouth was one of her favorite features as well; it was soft and animated almost to the point of femininity, and gave a touch of human feeling to his otherwise perfect visage.

_You're sounding more like the inflatable brain-dead as you speak._

**No, I'm not. It's perfectly alright to admire his mouth, after, it is a very good mouth.**

_While I agree that it is indeed a 'very good mouth', I do think it's time to stop acting like a twelve-year-old with a push-up bra and start acting like a sixteen-year-old.. with a push-up bra._

**The wonders of the Wonderbra...**

_You see my point?_

**Unfortunately.**

_Good. Now, it's time to get that Wonderbra and whatever it is that's filling the cups into a nice, low-cut t-shirt, get those fiiiiine pins into some good trousers, and Make The Hot Guy Want You!_

**Hurrah!**

_One other thing!_

**Mmm?**

_Shag the bollocks off Daniel Jegat while you still can, would you?_

**The Ravenclaw seeker? Bootiful abs?**

_Oh yeah, that's him._

**I am on that like Minnie on Dumbles.**

_Ew._

**Ok. I took it too far. I'm sorry.**

_Jegat's abs.. Jegats abs... think of Jegat's abs..._

**_A/N: 'Ello again_**

**_Hope you enjoyed that, not to much on the business end of things, but I got a whole lotta love in that small space of time._**

**_See you soon, _**

**_TheGreenEyedIdiot xx_**


	15. Chapter 14

_**A/N: You're gonna be happppppyyyyyy with this chapter!**_

_**I swear on it!**_

_**Like, uber happy.**_

_**spannerien: **__Fanks. Keep it coming!_

_**phoebe140: **__Thankyou! Thanks for all the favouriting and so on as well, you're awesome :)_

_**mrsgrabeel92: **__Thanks, as always! You're a star. I toooooottttally agree :)_

_**Hollys Bella: **__Take a guess... :P_

_**belleoftheball31: **__Aww, thanks - you already know how amazing you are, but I'll just tell you again. YOU'RE AMAZING!_

_**So, now we've got that cleared up, I've got my character pics up on my profile! It's vaguely how I picture the main characters (plus Frank, Rowena and Tonks), most of them should be much younger, but I like to think you could pick up on that by yourself.**_

_**Anyway, have a look, it'll probably help more with the OC's, since you're all entitled to your own imaginings of the real characters :)**_

_**Fanks and cheers and a jolly good show to you all,**_

_**TheGreenEyedIdiot xx**_

Later that evening, almost the entire school was to be seen in various positions from the double-doored entrance hall to the edge of the black lake, each of them eagerly awaiting the lighting of the enourmous bonfire in the middle of the lake that symbolised the start of the Bonfire night festivities.

And when I say _almost_ the entire school, I of course mean-

"Alex! For Merlin's saggy sake, you look absolutely bloody brilliant, get your unusually pert arse out here and lets bloody _go_."

"Alice, while agree with you in that I _do_ have a rather perky arse, I'm afraid I must disagree with you on everything else."

"And by that, you mean the part where we leave?"

"Indeed."

Alice sighed and sank down on Lily's bed. There really was no point in trying to hurry her when she was in a determined mood.

Five very long minutes later, Alex finally unlocked the bathroom door.

Alice's jaw hit the floor.

"Woah, mate. If I was a single woman..." she trailed off suggestively, winking.

"What the boyfriend doesn't know won't hurt him." Alex countered, grinning, "But unfortunately I've ruined any possibility of you pulling me by spending an inordinate amount of time in the bathroom. Sorry, love."

Alice sighed heavily. "What's done is done. Next time though.." she wiggled her eyebrows and they exited the dorms giggling. To their surprise, Sirius was still there.

Alice, who reached his first, tapped him on the shoulder.

"All right, Sirius? What're you still doing here? Hoping to trap some poor unsuspecting girl into a quicky before the fireworks?"

He grimaced slightly and sighed. "More's the pity. Actually, I wish I was. It'd be better than _them_ trying to trap _me."_

Alex laughed lightly, covering the slight twisting sensation in her stomach at Sirius' words. "At least this way it's less work. And less chance of Rowena hexing your bollocks off."

Sirius glanced towards her, grinning, and did a double take.

_Sweet buggering Merlin._

She was wearing a pair of very tight, shiny black trousers and knee-length grey patent Doc Martins. Her top half was covered by a black wife beater with a large - if his knowledge of muggle music was to be trusted - Rolling Stones motif on the front, and since this was all very attractive but not very practical, she wore a shiny blue belted anorak and a thick grey scarf wrapped loosely around her neck. Her hair was in a messy bun and her eyes were ringed in black eye makeup. Maybe she was actually _trying_ to torture him.

Alice, who hadn't missed the ravenous look he was giving her, piped up, "Yeah, I know, but I already had that conversation with her-"

Sirius looked up, severely confused. Alice had asked Alex if she was trying to torture him?

Alice nodded wisely. "Mmmm, but she said we didn't have enough time to make out, so I guess I'll have to leave it."

Sirius, finally coming back to himself, laughed whole-heartedly and slung an arm around each girl. "You know, if you ever find yourselves having a good snog, don't hesistate to call. I've always like a bit of girl-on-girl action."

* * *

The group made it down to the lake with moments to spare - almost as soon as they found the group, the bonfire went up into spectacular flame.

"They were waiting for us," was the remark that Sirius made, tapping his nose knowledgably.

Almost immediately they were joined by Rowena, who leapt at 'her Siri-poo' - a phrase which James and Alex exchanged raised eyebrows about - and drug him away to a more secluded corner to 'catch up', as she said.

"Yeah, I'm sure Sirius' tonsils have some really interesting things to say to Rowena's tongue," Alex spat, "That girl actually makes me feel physically ill."

Unfortunately for her, her only audience was Remus and the back of Alice's head, and Remus had his fully narrowed eyes trained on something over Alex's shoulder.

Alex turned around, surprised at his hostility, and was met by an unusual sight. Sam Green had his arms around a fifth-year hufflepuff she recognised from the mess of pink hair atop her head, which was quickly growing redder by the second.

"Oh, it's... ugh, oh dear, that metamorphagus, Thompson? Tonkson?"

"Tonks." Remus bit out.

"That's the one. I like her, cheerful girl."

"Uhuh."

"Doesn't look too cheerful at the second, though, does she? I'd say he should get back a bit, any witch with a powerful enough magical core to have metamophic ability must be a pretty powerful-"

Her next words were drowned in a scream, a shout of rage, and a blinding flash. Remus was immediately at Tonk's side.

"Are you alright? Did he get you? He's a right prick, that one-"

"Yeah, I'm fine, mate. Bloke was a bit to slow to realise his attentions weren't appreciated, that's all." She turned, grinning, to Remus, stopping only when she realised who it was.

"Lupin!"

"Er.. hi."

"Hi. Thanks for checking on me, mate...but I can't help feeling as though it was rather unnecessary. Surely you of all people should know... unless, of course, you suffer from very terrible short-term memory loss."

Remus, looking mildly confused at the muggle term, blushed slightly nonetheless. "I'm afraid my memory is in perfect condition. _Too_ perfect." He winced jokingly.

"I'm sorry." She grinned. "But you shouldn't sneak up on people like that in the dark. Apparently my reactions are slightly more violent than I first expected." Tonks replied prettily.

"Only slightly?"

"All right, quite a lot. I honestly didn't mean to string you from the tree by your ankles. But stop avoiding the question, was it geniune concern for my ability to defend myself that spurred this... inquiry.. into my health, or were you just looking for an excuse to talk to me?" She grinned, trying to smother her hopeful look for one of humour, and failing spectacuarly.

Remus shifted slightly, before admitting a look of defeat to grace his features. "All right. Fine. I wanted to speak to the witch who tried to kill me. Is that so bad?"

Tonks looked ecstatic for a moment before replying, "Only if the witch is me, Lupin." And grabbing his hand, lead him away and out of the small crowd that had begun to form a circle around the pair.

Alex leaned against a tree, smiling contentedly. It was absolutely brilliant to see Remus with someone. Especially someone as genuinely nice as Tonks, who really did like him back.

It was healthy.

Just then, her train of thought was interrupted by the sound of heavy breathing behind her.

Despite being no newcomer to this situation, she couldn't help but grip her wand more tightly in her jacket pocket to turn towards her shadow.

To say she was surprised when she saw who it was would possibly be the understatement of the year.

"Sirius! What are you- _how _are you here? I was under the impression that Scintha kept you under a restraining charm when you were around her?"

His expression was one of agreement for a split second before he hastily schooled them into one of mocking annoyance.

"If I've told you once..." he began, trailing off to a mutter before regaining his voice, "I'd prefer it if you didn't insult my _girlfriend_ when I'm in close proximity, cheers. There's only so much a bloke can take, you know." His gaze raked over her, leaving her slightly breathless.

"I'm sorry, I actually thought she did though. Why else would you be panting so heavily?" she grinned lavisciously, "Oh no, wait..."

"Right. You just crossed the line."

"What line?"

"The big red one that stands between 'Joking about my girlfriend' and 'Insinuating that I am a perv'."

"Oh, _that_ line."

"Indeedy."

"So. What are we going to do about thi-?"

But her speech was unfortunately impaired by the rather large hand that suddenly appeared to be covering her mouth. Feeling the other hand in the pair wrap itself around both of her wrists and pull them behind her back, she decided it was alright to relax, since any wand-weilding would require him to either release her hands or mouth, thereby allowing her to slap or scream at him respectively. What she didn't expect was for one of Sirius' strong arms to wrap around her bottom and hoist her into the air, whilst still maintaining his grip on her wrists and mouth.

She could only wonder how.

She was dragged to the present by the fact that they were now moving. Away, it seemed, from the party, and towards a tall beech that towered next to the lake. It was here that he finally released her, setting her carefully down and then folding himself gracefully so he was sitting next to her.

There was silence for a few moments before Sirius spoke.

"She doesn't actually cast a restraining charm. Though that's probably 'cos she's just as good by herself."

Alex giggled slightly, fiddling with a leaf from the floor.

Sirius picked a leaf as well, and turned it in his hands. "She's not The One." He said, suddenly. Alex turned to him, but he kept his gaze fixed steadily upon the leaf, which he was now shredding.

"She... Rowena, that is, she's not the one." He seemed unlikely to carry on, so Alex spoke.

"Oh?" She tried to keep the smug tone out of her voice, but failed. Completely.

Sirius grinned at her. "All right, get over it. It's not as though you actually believed I'd ever fall for _Rowena. _I mean, you must have a little respect left for me?" His tone joking, but his eyes were not.

Alex blushed, very slightly, and kept her eyes down. "'Course I have respect for you, mate. Always have, always will." She paused. "But one can never be too careful." She grinned again, glad to inject a bit of humour into the situation.

Sirius smiled a genuine smile, and went back his leaf, which, she realised, was not merely being shredded, it was being _sculpted_.

They fell silent again as Sirius worked on his leaf, and she fiddled absently with hers while trying to figure out what his was meant to be.

"You... look brilliant tonight." Sirius broke the silence, this time surprising even himself. She looked up in surprise, and watched his face as it went through all the expressions of coming to a hard decision.

"Thanks. So do you." She had to admit, the tight grey trousers and jumper were extremely flattering on the Quidditch-toned wizard's frame.

He nodded hs thanks, before going back to his leaf.

"It's for you."

Sirius looked at her sharply, his smoky eyes trying to decifer her cryptic clue, not wanting to jump to the conclusion his heart wanted so desperately for him to make.

"What is?"

She stared at him for a moment, her beautiful eyes feverish and reckless as she gave her reply.

"All of it."

Those were the last coherent thoughts her brain was able to form, as his hazy eyes seemed to come closer and closer, until she was such if she just breathed out she could touch him - and then she did.

And she realised that not only had it appeared he was getting closer, but he actually was, and with that tiny breath just the very tip of her nose brushed his, and then they were kissing. Kissing so passionately it barely left her any room at all to think, all she could focus on was how his lips could be so soft and firm and perfect and rugged at the same time, and how them were now on their knees, one of his arms wrapped around her small waist, the other hand tangled in her hair, and how he kept his eyes open the entire time, as though he couldn't believe they were doing this.

And then it was over. They remained on their knees, holding each other as the reality of what had happened slowly made itself known, and the wind picked up to whip Alex's hair around their faces. Eventually Sirius stood, smiled, pressed a soft, quick kiss on the corner of her mouth, and left, pausing only to nudge a leaf slightly closer to her with the tip of his chealsea boot.

She watched him all the way back to the castle, for he didn't stop at the party, before looking down at the leaf. It was the leaf he had been shaping she realised, picking it up. The other thing she realised was that it was not just the random mess she had orginally thought, but an intricately, delicately crafted heart, with a parchment note attached to it. Lord knew when he had written that, but Sirius was a law unto himself. Looking at the note, she read the few words written there and had to seriously try hard not to cry.

_Ally,_

_I hope you like it, it's yours after all._

_Sirius_

_x_

What a bloody sap.

_**A/N: *Eyebrow raise***_

_**Soooo... any good? Any, y'know, stand-out points you'd like to mention, just feel free to review.**_

_**I mean, just if you'd like to.**_

_**Whatever.**_

_**(Please please pretty please?)**_

_**Snuggles,**_

_**TheGreenEyedIdiot xx **_


	16. Chapter 15

_**A/N: Hello darlings**_

_**I'm so sorry! It's been almost two months and nothing...**_

_**Erm... sorry?**_

_**But never fear, this may be small but it is definately mighty, and feel free to grin. All the way though, if you feel it's necessary.**_

_**Hollys Bella: **__Hehe. I know. Couldn't resist, although *slight cringe at sappiness*. Just to clear up: Tonks is at Hogwarts, it's slightly AU in that she wouldn't actually be there for a fair few years, but we couldn't just leave Remus with noone, could we?_

_**mrsgrabeel92: **__Lol. Good. IKnowIKnowIKnow!!! I got so excited writing that chapter you would not believe it. :)_

_**knoukoy: **__Thanks for both your awesome reviews - this is very definately NOT the end, and thankyou, you're very nice._

_**angharad xoxo: **__Heh. *sighs at imaginary boys*_

_**vamp-girl095: **__I feel that me writing this chapter was probably the most diplomatic decision *nods*. I'm practically doing a dance of anticipation I'm so excited for when you guys read this oneee :D_

_**Thankyou, one and all!**_

_**Review!**_

_**And you MUST MUST read the A/N at the end, important question coming up!**_

_**Review!**_

_**Read on! Read on!**_

_**Love,**_

_**TheGreenEyedIdiot xx**_

There was simply nothing else for it.

She was going to have to force him.

'Alice, there is simply nothing else for it; I am going to have to force him.'

'Wonderful. Brilliant. Ingenious. Why?'

'Because otherwise, my dear, I'm going to go bloody _mental. _Seriously, how long does it take one immensely egotistical bloke to ask out a girl who leapt at him like a horny gazelle more than two weeks ago?'

'Obviously more than two weeks.'

Alex glared in the direction of her friend's shower cubical.

'Don't give me that look.' Alex raised her eyebrows, mildly surprised. 'Listen,' the sound of gushing water disappeared, and the petite girl drifted into view wearing a large towel. 'I know and you know that he is being a total wanker. Lily knows, Maggie and Remus know, Christ, even _James_ knows. Our problem is that you have picked the most clueless human being ever to fall in love with- shh, wait 'til I'm finished.' Alex closed her mouth furiously, 'so I think, on balance, you should... pick a new one?'

'...No. And I don't love him.'

'Uh-huh.'

'I don't!'

'I said nothing.'

'The thing is, I actually don't.'

'Fine.'

'..Oh.'

'Mmm. As I was saying,' she gave Alex a suspicious look, 'Maybe, then, what you must do, is make him jealous?'

'Why so many apostrophes?'

'Don't argue with the grammatical flow.'

'...'

'...?'

'Ok.'

'Ok! So, yeah. You'll be ok now? I assume you don't need my help suducing anyone?'

She didn't bother replying.

* * *

Trying desperately to ignore the feeling of doubt that had surfaced with Alice's plan, and that had somehow increased when she saw Remus and Maggie avoiding each others' gaze in the common room, Alex vaguely made her way closer to what was looking suspiciously like the corridor that lead to the Ravenclaw tower.

_But definately isn't, _She reassured herself.

Not only would it be overly stupid to even be near this particular founder's common room for the obvious reason of the lurking Elliott, but Ravenclaw students also tended to be more relaxed about having relationships with Slytherins, and ever since the Incident with the Frostbitten Gnomes Sirius' cousin Bellatrix seemed to have developed an above-average level of hate for her and James.

In their defence, they hadn't known about the frostbite and the herpes until it was too late.

But she was distracting herself. If she was here she was here to pull, and pull she would.

Spotting a likely-looking boy shuffling towards a spiral staircase at the end of the corridor, she shook her hair into her face, smudged her lipstick, loosened her tie, rebuttoned her shirt to the whole holes, and did some starjumps to get her heartrate up. Finally pulling out from behind the statue where she had been hiding, she stumbled up behind the boy and tugged on his robes.

'Excuse me, would you say that I look as though I have just been thoroughly ravaged by a particuarly skilled young man? Answer truthfully now.' She batted her eyelashes at him.

'Er, I would say so. Definately.' He looked at her skewed uniform appreciatively.

'Wonderful.'

'No problem' he replied, his gaze drifting to her heaving chest again.

Then a thought struck Alex. 'Do me a favour?' She asked, coyly. He nodded. 'Annoy Elliott Ashwell for me?'

She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and winked at him as she flounced away.

The seventh year blinked and shook his head experimentally, before smirking and continuing on his way to the Ravenclaw tower. Alexa Burke's lipstick on his cheek was more than enough to piss that bugger Eliott Ashwell off.

_* * *_

Sirius was hungry. He had been hungry for almost an hour now, which was unacceptable at the best of times, and practically torture under the circumstances.

Lily sighed exasperatedly, 'For Merlin's sake, go and get some bloody food then, you irresponsible prat.'

Sirius grinned at her gratefully and shut his charms book with a loud band.

Dust flew in all directions. Jumping up to avoid it, he ran to the door before she could change her mind, but not before he could hear her complain wearily of 'Bloody men and their bloody stomachs...'

Grinning to himself, he managed to decend two flights of stairs before an extremely unwelcome sight presented itself.

Alex was walking down the corridor towards him, smirking to herself and humming quietly. But that wasn't what was wrong. What was wrong was that her wild hair was mussed impossibly. Her blood red lipstick smeared around her full lips, her tie hastily fixed and her shirt buttoned wrong.

Inside Sirius, the roaring of his own blood threatened to deafen him, his hands clenched into unconscious fists, and a squirming wave of fury threatened to overwhelm him. One trait that Sirius had definately inherited from his mother was her outrageous jealously, although it had never had cause to show itself so... viciously before.

But even as he stormed towards her and demanded to know what she had been doing, he knew that it was not his place to be asking questions. Certainly she had kissed him, practically told him that she liked him, even, but they were not together. They were not a couple, not even lovers, and he had no right to be jealous.

His voice raised to a shout, and he no longer cared if anyone could hear them. This girl was... magnificent.

She was shouting back at him now, tears streaking down her face. His own vision was getting blurry with strangled tears. But he wasn't about to stop now, he may not wish it, but he was still a Black at heart, and to a Black adultery was to be punished.

Adultery?

What?

She had stopped for breath, and he cleared his mind enough to see that while her eyes were still streaming with tears, they screamed love. As he kept his gaze fixed on her eyes, she gradually began to look up at him as well. He only hoped she could see what she so desperately_ had _to see there too.

Her amethyst eyes widened and then a fresh wave of tears broke, catching in her eyelashes, glittering like diamonds.

She backed away two steps, further towards the wall, wide eyes still glued to his. With a low growl he stepped close to her, grabbing her hand to his face. He kissed each of her fingers and the middle of her palm before looking back into her eyes, willing her to see into the depths of his soul, feel his love for her burning it's way through everything else that mattered.

Her eyes glittered him briefly, before the lids were shut over them and her mouth was pressed against his in an angry, demanding kiss.

He was stunned for a split second before he responded fiercely, holding her closer to him, kissing her neck. She bit back a quiet growl of pleasure and he smiled elatedly, pulling back to wrap his arms around her tightly, pouring more emotion than he had ever thought possible into just one embrace.

* * *

Lily looked up expectantly as the portrait hole opened for the eleventh time, and upon seeing who it was, hastily schooled her rebellious features into a vaguely surprised yet knowing expression and allowed her eyes to follow the couple across the room towards her.

'I see you didn't make it to the kitchens, then.' She said, wryly, eyeing Alex's shirt and smudged lipstick.

Sirius grinned and shrugged, before pulling the blonde onto his lap and kissing her briefly. 'I'm not hungry any more.' he smirked, and kissed his newly titled _girlfriend _soundly.

_**A/N: So basically, here's the situation.**_

_**I have a plan for the next few chapters, which will take us first to their seventh year, then to their first year out of Hogwarts, then Lily and James' death, then Sirius being arrested. Then one after that. That will effectively end the whole palava, but in quite a sad way.**_

_**Ok not quite sad, very very very sad.**_

_**As you obviously know.**_

_**Orrr, I can go AU and just say that everyone survives and we'll end on a happy note?**_

_**Helps, pleases? Review!**_

_**Adios Amigos :)**_

_**TheGreenEyedIdiot xx**_


	17. Chapter 16

**_Words cannot describe the level of sorrow I feel it necessary to impart to you all, but I shall try; I'M REALLY REALLY SORRY._**

**_Really, I am. I'm so sorry. I just crumbled under the pressure of GCSE's and then A-level coursework and now AS exams... arghh. But the plot bunnies attacked, and I now have another story (DM/GW, BZ/LL) which is shaping up strangely, and also several more story-ish things resting in my computer, waiting to be unleashed. But then I found the beginning of this chapter and thought 'I really need to update', and so here we are. I have taken a slight detour, there will be another chapter (perhaps two! Ooooh) of them in their seventh year. That's all, really, apart from review answers (I know, I know, it's been like a year, some of you may be gone now, some of you may be dead - but I still feel bad.)_**

**_Just realised some of you might actually be dead. If you are, oh Christ, I'm really sorry. Not that you're reading this. But still sorry. That was such a horrible joke._**

**_Er, review time?_**

**_Holly's Bella: _**_Thank you! I'd love to write a sequel! I just think I'd probably cry the whole time. I hope I have the courage to kill them off. It's terrifying :(_

**_vamp-girl095: _**_He's a complete idiot, sometimes. I'm glad he finally pulled himself together!_

**_Calamity and Chaos: _**_No problem, that's really flattering :) Thanks! It's really strange, I do that with other people's stories. It's bizarre thinking someone likes my story that much, so thank you for that._

**_Queen of Egypt180: _**_Yes, I think I'll probably have to. I'll try not to cry too much._

_**HBIC Never Again: **I want to. I really do. Don't know how to do it well, though :(  
_

**_I still love you,_**

**_TheGreenEyedIdiot xx_**

_Dear Alex,_

_How are you?_

_Having a bloomin' wonderful half term, sweetheart, thanks for asking, Cornwall is especially riveting in the middle of October._

_When are you and your beautiful legs coming to see us, then? I'm extremely excited to see your annual and inevitable tan which you somehow gain in Surrey in the autumn._

_Reply immediately. There are absolutely __no __excuses__ not to._

_Love love love,_

_Your betrothed. xxxxxxxxxx_

_(Not really, it's only Alice. You are a silly sausage)_

_P.S. I'VE CUT EVEN MORE OF MY HAIR OFF! Dear papa says I look like a boy, so I think, on balance, it was a good move._

_Alice,_

_You're always ravishing, it's a biological fact._

_Oh, do fuck off the tan._

_I love you, my sweet!_

_Alex xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

Four days into half term, and Alexa Burke had sent and received a grand total of two letters.

Two.

Two bloody letters.

Two!

Remus was excused – it had been a full moon two days ago, and he was still recuperating, Potter never sent anyone but Lily and Black letters, so she wasn't particularly bothered by that either. Lily, she knew, was on holiday somewhere and her father had put his foot down after Lily tried to pack her wand, seventeen textbooks, and a large owl cage into the family car. Nibbles the nervous tawny was ostracised. That only left Peter – who hadn't spoken to her in about two months, Maggie – who wasn't exactly on great terms with her at the moment, and Black.

Mmm.

Yes. Black.

But why would he bother? Just because he happened to be her boyfriend. Of roughly four months. Who she hadn't even slept with yet. A fact that she was getting increasingly twitchy about. Because, well, he was Sirius Black! She couldn't understand why the designated lothario of Hogwarts _wouldn't_ want to shag her, he'd alluded to it often enough, through a series of innuedos of varying seriousness (_Siriusness!_ **Shh, don't go mad**.) and once, a mime. Which lasted for several minutes.

Tosser.

She picked up her quill, twirled it once, and put it back down.

She picked it up again and opened a bottle of ink, then put her quill down again.

Why should she have to make the first move? For merlin's sake, hadn't she done enough already? Or perhaps leaping at him like a horny gazelle hadn't been sufficiently obvious for his crude male sensibilities.

What was she saying? Of _course_ it was! Sirius Black had a bigger ego than anyone in the world. Possibly put together. He had probably assumed that she was in love with him even when she absolutely was not.

Pompous, arrogant, lazy, noisy, using… prat! He was a bloody prat!

She blinked.

She blinked again.

Was her ceiling… _shining?_

It was then that she realised, no, her ceiling was not shining, she was crying. But since she was horizontal on her bed gravity was having a very hard time taking effect and the tears weren't going anywhere.

She sat up, wondering vaguely if you could drown your own eyes, and rubbed away the newly freed tears. There were considerably more of them than expected.

_Stupid bugger._

**You're telling me. His face **_**needs**_** to be punched. Immediately.**

_What's he playing at, not contacting me? We've only been together four months and two of those were holiday and now... this!_

**Let us look at this in the most positive way I can think of: At least you didn't shag him.**

_..._

**Well you didn't, did you? I'm just saying that that's probably a good thing, because now you know you're not just a conquest - unless he bored of you without even shagging you, which is, frankly, impossible.**

_..._

**Although, some would probably say that not shagging Sirius Black is possibly the most idiotic sex-related mistake that you could ever make. But that's for you to decide, really.**

…

**Actually, think about it; Alexa Burke and Sirius Black. Arguably two of the the best-looking people in Hogwarts- screw that, in England. Ever. Both considerably experienced at banging people, together, at last!**

_I'm feeling a bit strange, if I have a heart attack do try and help, won't you?_

**The kids would be stunning, although the poor things would be hounded by their teenage friends who would always be begging to come round and see – depending on sexual preference – you - the original yummy mummy - or Sirius, who is, let's face it; an absolute God.**

_Good Merlin._

**Abso-bloody-lutely.**

* * *

_Alice, dear,_

_I am in a state of complete shock. I think I've just had a mental breakdown. I'm coming to bloody Cornwall, my legs will be there shortly, closely followed by the rest of me._

_There better be ice cream, is all I'm saying,_

_Love and snacks,_

_Ally xxxxxxxx_

* * *

"Well. Essentially, mate, he's an idiot, isn't he?"

Alice was lying on her bed on her side, looking sympathetically down at the back of Alex's head. The blonde's face was planted into her thick black carpet, left hand curled protectively around a tub of ice cream, right hand around a massive spoon. The haircut suited Alice, Alex thought. She now looked like a particularly good-looking elf.

"Whabt'm I gobna _boo_?" Alex cried, which, despite being a lovely string of syllables, didn't actually have a direct meaning in _any_ language, as far as Alice knew, and regretfully told her friend so.

Alex rolled over and sighed.

"I'm buggered, really, aren't I?"

"Indeed."

"Damn. Will I ever achieve my dream?"

"The one about defeating a piranha or the one about finding true love?"

"The one about becoming the original yummy mummy."

"Oh."

* * *

The next day Lily joined them, and the day after that Maggie turned up.

"Right kiddies, we is going to the beach," Alice announced on the last day of the holidays, "pack your bikinis and your thermals; Cornwall is weird."

It was the first day in a while that Alex felt less of a moony prat, and more like herself again.

The four of them were walking along the beach in their bikinis simply to see how many people checked them out, Maggie in navy blue, Lily in emerald green, Alice in bright red, and Alex in black and white pinstripes. Lily refused to walk next to Alice because they 'looked like Christmas.' Alex had found an empty silver bin bag and was using it as a cape. Alice refused to stand next to her because 'it had never and would never be her desire to become a carer for the mentally impaired' so, after eleven complicated minutes, Maggie had to go between Lily and Alice, and Alex went next to Lily.

Alex was unreasonably cheerful when they returned, and agreed that the only way to make Sirius be a good boyfriend was to force him - possibly, but not necessarily, involving some kind of water torture.

Possibly.

* * *

Sirius leant back into his bed. Tomorrow they'd be going back to Hogwarts. Tomorrow he'd see Alex again.

Sirius felt maginally guilty that he wasn't looking forward to seeing any of the others, but then he decided he couldn't be bothered. Alex was the one he'd missed, which he thought was rather romantic. The fact that he lived with James probably had something to with the whole 'not missing anyone else' scenario, but he dutifully ignored it.

What bothered him was the lack of contact between them. They hadn't exchanged letters all week, and while a week isn't a long time, it was still a significant portion of their still-new relationship. He hadn't seen her much at all, really. The few weeks before the summer holidays last year, and about a month an a half before the half-term break, which wouldn't have even existed if parents weren't worried about seeing their children more often, what with the whole 'Voldemort' situation.

Sirius cursed silently as a loud bang emanated from the general window region, and he crept over, wand in hand. When he saw what it was he almost giggled.

But didn't, obviously.

Men don't giggle.

It was Nibbles, Lily's Tawny owl. The thing had an unusually nervous disposition for an owl and apparently colliding headfirst into a window hadn't helped in that area. Nibbles was rattling slightly and blinking rather fast.

Sirius let the owl in, and gave it a compassionate pat on the head.

"Worse things happen at sea, mate." He said consolingly, but this, if anything, seemed to agitate the owl more. It started hooting in an alarmed way. Sirius wondered if the owl had had to cross the sea to get here and concluded that yes, it probably had.

"Er. I mean, worse things happen at... the bakery. Yes. At the bakery." He nodded in what he hoped was a knowledgable way. The owl looked suspicious, but edged away, before simply dropping out of the window. It regained use of it's wings mid-fall, and soared nervously away. Sirius shook his head. He hadn't bothered to check the envelope, assuming it was for James, but on closer inspection realised that it was addressed to him – and decidedly not in Lily's tidy script.

Sirius felt his stomach swoop, and then scolded it for behaving so inappropriately. They didn't know for sure, after all, who the letter was from.

He opened it quickly, and checked the handwriting.

Alex?

_Good evening, stupid head,_

Yep, definitely Alex. Sirius smiled.

_I'm afraid that this is not a purely social letter, it concerns something very serious, Sirius. Very serious indeed. _Sirius snickered against his will, Sirius, serious...

_It seems that you have FORGOTTEN THAT I AM YOUR GIRLFRIEND. This is a very unfortunate circumstance, Black, and one that I am unaccustomed to. I am afraid that I shall have to jog your memory along tomorrow at the train station as to the whereabouts of our relationship, but until then; I love you, you enormous idiot, and remember; there's nothing scarier in life than a raging McGonagall with a teapot on her head._

_Picture it._

_Later, my love,  
_

_Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx (many snogs)_

Sirius read the letter twice, and then a third time for good measure. She- she said she loved him! Of course she'd said it many times when they were friends but this was different in that they were in a position where it was usual for people to fall in love!

They were so _normal_! It was bloody fantastic.

Bloody... bloody wonderful.

Andand she had called herself his _girlfriend_! Sirius leaped up and down, pirouetting silently over to James' bed where he blew kisses at the letter before actually kissing his best friend.

"Jim-jams, up! You'll never guess what's just happened!"

"The room's caved in. The world has ended. Hogwarts just exploded. You're in love. Any of those? A combination, perhaps?"

"The latter, dearest Jamie! The latter!"

"You're in love?"

"Yes!"

"What else is new? Next time this happens there better be a good excuse."

Sirius watched, dismayed, as his best friend rolled over back to sleep.

"What else is new?" He repeated, quietly.


End file.
